The fragility is part of the narcissism. You don’t get one without the other. In the end, narcissism is an extreme projection of insecurity, which is why “narcissistic rage” is a thing.
Cause they only focus on themselves? If that gets attacked, it’s an attack on their only asset. When your focus lies on a spectrum of interests other than yourself, you keep an overview and your overall self worth. I dunno.
Hmmm… That gives me an idea.
I know someone who might be a narcissist. Maybe I could exploit this vulnerability to expose him. You know, just to test my suspicions. Could just say something that mildly challenges his ego and see how he responds. If he menages to keep his cool like a normal person, then my hypothesis was wrong and I don’t have to be so suspicious of him any more.
deleted by creator
Of course, not playing can also be something they view as hostile.
Grey rocking is the best strategy to get rid of all annoying people. Do not engage, do not give them any fuel, do not give them any satisfaction. Be as boring and unexciting as you can possibly be until they lose interest in you.
deleted by creator
This is probably true for most people who are mentally healthy, but what I’m pointing out is that for someone who feeds on attention, not engaging with them can feel like such a personal attack that they may put a huge amount of time and energy into destroying your life to pay you back for the insult.
I’ve never personally seen any successful way of dealing with narcissistic people that you can’t choose to avoid.
Hmm… That is a good point. Seems like a risky experiment.
The idea with this test setup is based on the idea that the result could potentially provide new information instead of just confirming what I already believe to be true. An inferior experiment would just involve mild flattery, but that can only result in confirmation bias instead of rejecting a hypothesis. Not my favorite type of experiment.
I guess a more passive observational approach is the way to go in this case.
I’m with Photuris, it’s a much more complicated game than you might expect, and they’ve been playing it their whole lives.
Rule #1 is to preserve your image at all times. Which means not flipping out in public.
Rule #2 is that everything is someone else’s fault. Which means if you call them out in public, they will cry and ask why you are so mean to them. Instant sympathy, and you look like the asshole, and assuming you yourself are not a narcissist, you’ll probably feel like an asshole too.
Most likely, if they really are a narcissist, you’ll try your test, think they aren’t, and look really bad in front of everyone.
Thanks for the advice. I better be cautious with this one.
May I just ask, out of pure curiosity, who is this person to you? I mean to understand why you care enough to conduct any kind of tests or whatever.
If they’re bad company, simply avoid and disengage. Why waste energy and time in fragile attempts at proving something that isn’t exactly provable with ordinary means? Like why even think about all this in the first place?
If it’s personal in that you feel slighted by them, I’d still recommend not engaging in weird tests or similar behavior. You’ll ultimately learn nothing useful and will have spent your time and energy for basically nothing. I get that you might be very driven by whatever the reason is, but maybe if you take a step back, breathe a moment, you might be able to re-evaluate whether this is actually important and worth your effort.
You only have the time you have, and the energy you have. It’s very limited. I just wanted to step in and suggest you might spend it doing something pleasing and positive instead. You’ll be better off, I ensure you.
Just a random coworker, nothing more important than that. We’re not even on any projects together, and I think I would rather keep it that way.
Having thought about this case a bit more, the risks are definitely uncomfortably high. Avoiding him seems like the best option. Besides, he rambles on an on about some drama that isn’t really helpful in my job anyway. Not really the kind of person I need around me.
Conducting experiments on people to test suspicions sounds like something a sociopath would do so maybe your friend is in good company /s
What are you hoping to achieve? If you don’t like this person and they make you feel tense, unworthy, and like you’re walking on eggshells, you don’t need to “prove” they’re a narcissist. Even if they’re just an asshole, the solution is the same. Stop talking to them and leave.
There’s this guy who talks way too much about himself and how he is right about something and how other people don’t get it and so on. I was just wondering if I should start avoiding him like the plague.
Isn’t the whole point of being narcissist?
Their ego and their self esteem are so fragile and low that they have to be mean to protect it at all costs.
There’s a little bit of pleasure in doing narcissist things. But the main point is to protect the fragile self.
Because narcissism is, at the core, intolerance of anything but the self.
They are deeply insecure, ashamed, alone, anxious, and afraid. They CANNOT be faced with others confirming their worst fear: that something is deeply and terribly wrong with them. They’re basically emotionally disabled and can’t empathize, work together as a team, or be genuine. They completely lack accountability ir responsibility. In close relationships, they suck the life out of people the most because it makes them feel better about themselves and they choose this tactic in these relationships because that person is least likely to leave them.
As a therapist, I’ve seen one, maybe two clinical narcissists. The one I remember best only came to therapy to get recognition for doing so but had NO insight into the nature of his issues.
I feel like it’s OK to demonize narcissism in ways that would be unacceptable ableism if you were talking about other neurodivergents or personality disorders.
It’s just as blanket and vague as calling someone an asshole.
It’s become such a pop-psych phenomena, I think it’s time for clinical people to abandon the term to pop culture. When a diagnosis becomes a common insult, it’s time for a new term.
Narcissism is not neurodivergence, it is a personality disorder. There is a great difference between them. But to your point, I think that the proper term is “Narcissistic Personality Disorder”.
The reason is simple: all the main symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder involve behavior which is harmful to others.
In this, it is different from most forms of neurodivergence. Like psychopathy, it is a kind of antisocial personality disorder, in the sense that people who have it are harmful to society. Autism, ADHD, bipolar, BPD and even schizophrenia do not necessarily cause the sufferer to become harmful to others - in fact, the person afflicted with these conditions often harms themselves on an attempt not to inconvenience others, and only harms others unintentionally, while the narcissist does so intentionally and deliberately. People don’t demonize narcissists. Narcissism demonizes narcissists, and people recognize that.
deleted by creator
How dare you imply my ego is fragile?! Don’t question me!
Are you making fun of me?!
Sorry for not being perfect enough for you! I don’t know why you say such horrible things to me, I was only trying to help!
A narcissist sees the rest of the world as inferior to them their perception of reality is all derivative of this opinion. When confronted with objective reality disputing that they don’t just react to the singular confrontation. Because their psuedo superiority underlines everything they think about any evidence they are wrong begins to dismantle every opinion they have. Now being forced to consider the entire way they perceive reality is flawed its easier to get angry and confrontational instead of reevaluating their worldview
I expect the causation is the other way around. Someone with a fragile ego may become narcissistic to protect themselves.
deleted by creator
