After ‘Bow

————

i’m back here behind the eyes,

like surfacing from water.

taking in the surroundings-

it’s all so familiar, but just a bit off

cleaner,

warmer,

and it is hard for me to think, like walking in deep loose gravel back towards firmer ground in our mind.

but there is a cooked meal in front of me, steaming in a friendly way, and tea on the side just the way i like,

a fork for the eating,

and a note on my phone saying

‘welcome back,

you are loved,

and i hope you enjoy the food.’

i remember almost nothing of you being here, remember nothing of you taking front

all i can remember vaguely is pop music and dancing,

and the sense of satisfaction and care.

———— context: the author has dissociative identity disorder. this describes what it was like for me (bird) to return after another alter (rainbow) fronted unexpectedly. ‘bow tends to focus on household things like cleaning and cooking. that is very much not my forté! ‘bow and i don’t share much memory, so what happens while he fronts is a hazy grey mess, and i am often surprised to see what has changed while he was out.