::: spoiler It’s The Beaverton. :::
What happened to all the conservatives upset about their gun rights? The vast majority are a bunch of hypocritical bootlicking cowards. They want an authoritarian master.
Turns we’ve been misinterpreting their “Don’t Tread on Me” slogan. We all assumed it meant the person didn’t want the government infringing on people’s rights.
Turns out they just meant “Don’t Tread on Me but feel free to tread on anyone else - even if they look like me or are doing things I support, that’s fine as long as it’s not actually me me.”
That’s probably too long to write on a flag though. So honest mistake. /s
Pls tread on POC and queer people. They coming for my job at the Piggly wiggly.
They’re not treading on me if they’re wearing me as the boot!
-Republicans, probably.
V
“But why was he legally carrying his registered firearm?” is the new “But what was she wearing?”
Come on, she CHOSED to go to the bar dressed like this in an ACTIVE seduction operation !
III
Bring long guns to protests.
VI
Given the amount of people who are interpreting this as actual news, I feel that satire should be clearly labelled as such in the title. It’s embarrassing to have people going around saying “did you hear Patel said…” And then when people check it it’s literally a joke.
Everything is is so fucking bonkers right now this didn’t even make me flinch. We have DHS saying the guy brandished weapon when all the video contradicts that, and that border patrol guy saying bringing a gun to a protest means your asking to be shot and he assaulted the cops, not the cops assaulted him.
Yeah, it was only a few years ago that I realized thebeaverton was a satire website. It used to be on reddit where it’s it was on
atetheonionbut for communities that are not explicitly labelled i think it’s a good idea to help people out a bit.I did. Also it’s pretty fucking obvious if you read past the headline, even in just the quoted snippet.
We’ll keep bringing them as long as a federal immigration agency keeps executing American citizens 1300 miles from the southern border.
XI
Afraid the NRA will start pushing back seriously if (when?) they gun down another legally armed non-violent protester?
As a European, I’d never imagined to come to see the NRA as a potential force for good.
This situation is literally what the second amendment is for. When Americans were asserting their right to buy and own fully automatic assault rifles and the NRA would defend them, the second amendment is why. The amendment exists because the citizens of the time believed they would need guns to eventually defend themselves against a tyrannical government.
Now they have a tyrannical government. I’m not convinced guns are actually what they need, but this is precisely what the second amendment is for and it’s not really a surprise to find the NRA is still in support of it.
In my opinion, the problem is not with the second amendment itself, or the NRA’s unflinching support for it, at least in theory. The problem is, in practice, 90% of the people who are the most heavily armed Americans with the biggest arsenals under the second amendment are the ones who openly support the government tyranny: racists, bigots, and fascists who want their white-ethno-state. So not only are the genuine “second amendment” defenders against tyranny, like presumably Alex Pretti, going to find themselves outgunned by a heavily militarized police force and government, they’re also going to be outgunned by their heavily militarized angry white neighbors.
They built a society based on a foundational tolerance of gun ownership, and then they were tolerant of all the wrong people, the most intolerant people, getting lots of guns, while the tolerant people said “we don’t need guns, because we live in a tolerant and just society and the second amendment is outdated”. Meanwhile, their intolerant neighbors were steadily building an arsenal for the civil war that they were planning on starting. And now it’s starting. The second amendment isn’t going to be the panacea that the founders thought it would. It’s been working against them and contributing to the problem. And that’s why reasonable people have been against the NRA and the second amendment for years (and probably still should be, although it’s probably way too late to change anything significant now), because we could see where this was headed. Everyone you don’t want to have guns, were getting lots of guns. And everyone you do want to have guns, doesn’t have nearly enough guns to matter. Yeah, it was everyone’s “right” to own a gun, but most people didn’t take advantage of that right, while the people you didn’t want to abused the hell out of it. It’s not solving any problem, it’s making it worse.
Generally agree. Didn’t mean to imply that the NRA was or is « good » at this point.
Just hoping that they might lash out against the Trump admin at one point, which does not seem completely impossible now that they’ve called out their narrative on Pretti’s murder.
I feel that they’re exactly the sort of actor that could make a difference by convincing some of the gun-wielding conservatives to at least stay on the sidelines, and maybe help the army make the right choices if they ever get properly involved.
I realize it’s a rather optimistic take. The situation is very bleak.
I’m intrigued by the fact that you feel that civil war is inevitable yet feel Americans wouldn’t need guns.
II
This is an onion article, in case you missed that.
Totally missed it yes. Thanks for pointing it out.
This is not an article on The Onion. The evidence for this is that it is very clearly labelled The Beaverton.
This is a Beaverton article.
The onion is not just an outlet, but a category of outlets.
Just like any vacuum is a hoover.
It’s a weird moment in time.
Now would be the right time for all protesters to start carrying. Like the Mulford Act, nothing gets 2a supporters more concerned, than when people they don’t like, start doing the things they believe they themselves have every right to do.
I typed an angry comment just to find out beaverton is the same as the onion.
Yeah. The poster is onion baiting.
This administration is so crazy that when good onion/beaverton articles drop you honestly can’t tell if it’s satire. Same thing happened to me the first time I encountered the beaverton.
I
That sure af sounds like impinging on our 2nd Amendment Rights.
So, in short: fuck you. Everyone arm up (and stay safe ofc).
IX
“2nd ammendment! … No, not that way!”
The funniest thing is that this, literally suppressing the second amendment, was basically done just to try to act like there was some justification for his execution and in complete hypocrisy of what they promoted and pardoned on January 6th.
VIII
“we murdered a civilian following the law but you shouldn’t follow the law at protests or we will kill you.”
I wonder how many children he has raped
IV
“Yesh! Fuck the 2A!” -MAGAcuck #6553 while making out with the AR he is legally married to
X
Why would a “patriot” who believes the second amendment is important to protecting freedom dissuade people from carrying guns? Is it to make it easier to shoot them without consequence?
Remember that kash fuckwit fbi-man berated his people for not having a cool bullet-proof vest for him to wear after charlie asshole’s face exploded. He’s a fucking diva. Be sure to yell and jeer if you see him in-person. Mock him for not having a girlfriend. That’s sure to drive him nuts cause he clearly feels the need to talk about her constantly to make sure everyone knows.
Leave the firearms at home. He’s implied you should bring cannons, and motolvs.
FUCK THAT GUY. Bring whatever you want now.
VII
What is the point behind your cryptic tallying of the number of people your post has misinformed?
Amusement at people’s inability to spot obvious satire, even when primed to perhaps look at it first.
