Does anyone else see themselves in this article?
Don’t forget the chronic depression, crippling trust issues, and being perpetually single due to said trust issues…
Don’t need to read the article. Got shit from my father for using rivets when I should’ve used screws on my car. “Didn’t anyone ever teach you anything?” he said. No shit cunt, YOU didn’t.
You should know better.
Well, you should teach better…
You should have learned it before. You’re so lazy!
Right?
My dad when my mom did absolutely anything: “Noooo you can’t do that why would you bla bla bla”
My dad when my mom wants to know how to do something: “…” crickets chirping
This is garbage.
I’ll skip you a read, the article does not present data to support any of the statements in the title. Nor in the subtitle. It does however present multiple ads and popups.
This is your friendly neighborhood ego-appealing only-10%-higher-iq-can-solve-this-game article with “research” from psychologytoday, autocitation, and articles that do not even discuss what is being stated. This writing style underscores how the usage of AI to create engaging articles and foster a diverse community- what I mean is that thing is either written with AI intervention or by someone who reads them so much that they write like them.
Mental health is a real issue, that should be handled with real information, not this kind of fanfiction.
Have you ever met someone who can fix anything, figure out anything, handle any crisis with calm precision, and yet flinches when someone offers to help them? Have you ever wondered why the most capable person in the room is also the one who seems least comfortable receiving care?
I have. Because for a long time, I was that person.
I’m sure this would make a nice action movie introduction.
Separating competence from identity. You are not your ability to handle things alone. That ability is a nervous system adaptation, and a useful one. But it’s a tool, not a definition. You’re allowed to set it down.
Also comes with crunchy bits of quantum neural vibrations.
I’m not going to comment everything, but this is garbage.
Yeh I suppose the quietly resentful is wrong. For you at least XD
Can confirm.
Protip to not become a resentful adult: Vent and vent often. Keeping that shit bottled up is the starting breeding ground for most of today’s personality disorders.
Quiet resentment eventually begets external aggression.
For me the quiet resentment has begotten a wicked dark humour, which I’m generally good with 😏
People tell me I’m hilarious all. the. time. Wish I was actually that happy.
They say the clown is often the saddest person in the room. It’s certainly true for me as well
Vent, but work to heal the underlying trauma. I’ve definitely met people with personality disorders that vent constantly, but they don’t actually work on healing the damage and developing orthopraxia. If your perception of self or others seems destructive (even if you feel it’s true) try discussing it with a professional. Maybe there’s no issue, but maybe you’ll get some tools to keep you from engaging in destructive behavior
There have been a ton of studies over the last several years that show that venting doesn’t work, and can sometimes even make things worse. Not trying to invalidate your own experience, but this probably isn’t the best advice for everyone.
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0272735824000357
Children who grew up
I don’t understand the graphic.
It’s about the survivor bias
In this instance the military tracked where on the planes that came back but had received significant damage. The idea being to reinforce the parts where they never have damage . The planes that take damage there don’t come back.
My understanding is the initial plan was to reinforce where all the bullet holes had occurred. It was then pointed out that the planes were able to return with these bullet holes. Planes weren’t returning where there were no bullet holes (i.e. clear space on the picture) so those areas should be reinforced to improve survivability.
It’s an illustration from the origins of the theory of survivor bias. Here’s an article:
https://www.warhistoryonline.com/war-articles/abraham-wald.html
The poster is implying that not all of these children “become adults who are extraordinarily competent and quietly resentful” because it doesn’t include the people who aren’t successful in overcoming the adversity.
We’re not all resentful, we just hate the people who refuse to advance themselves and adhere to some level of learned helplessness as their nominal state
I have a friend who does this. As far as my interactions with him go, he asks for help before attempting to solve a problem himself. He’s done well in his career so I assume he’s gotten better since we lived together in college.
Knowing who to ask for help in what situation is a valuable skill, one that is essential for managers. So it makes sense that he would do well in his career.
Add undiagnosed ADHD and ASD to that and you’ve got a great recipe for life full of struggle, anxiety, identity issues, bonding issues, the list goes on. You keep wondering how everyone else is so cheerful with everything that’s going on within your own life. Not to say you can’t escape it, but it is lifelong hard work.
I’m married to someone who had to be the adult and take care of her family (siblings and mother) starting age 11.
My wife is unstoppable. But she expects adults to be adults, because she had to figure out how to be one by herself. And that’s where the resentment comes in.
Yeah that was me as a kid. 1-2 siblings, parents worked 7am-6pm or later, and mom travelled a lot for work. I did all my own stuff starting at ~6yo, cooking/cleaning/laundry by 8yo, caring for my baby siblings starting at 11yo (including overnight childcare).
I don’t resent anyone for it (no cope, I think my childhood was good overall). Parents both started from absolutely zero and became very successful. Both parents were loving and supportive. But I definitely am left with the feeling that if I can’t handle something, someone else will either do it incompetently or not think to do it at all.
That attitude has not yielded lots of friends or the support I probably need. People assume I don’t need anything and I don’t know how to ask.
My parents were both raised the same way and also turned out that way.
But I definitely am left with the feeling that if I can’t handle something, someone else will either do it incompetently or not think to do it at all.
In my many decades of experience, the only people who can do it competently are going to charge a fuck of a lot of money for their time, and even with an expensive contractor, it’s 60:40 they’ll do it right.
Mechanics will replace the entire cooling loop and sensors in a car to make an extra grand. HVAC techs will charge you an extra Benjamin to replace a contractor along with the capacitor, just in case it was a problem.
Sadly, my wife’s parents did not make any effort to make her life better. Her dad is just a terrible person (abusive, neglectful, narcissistic, all the classics) and her mom is narcissistic, angry, hateful, and worst of all, helpless. She can walk around and do things but… She won’t. She will instead demand to be helped, fed, dressed, bathed, she needs the tv turned on, and she expects you to read her mind. When we were dating I remember her mom literally yelling at her for a week because my wife grabbed the wrong flavor of ramen noodles. She wasn’t told which flavor to get.
My wife is not only unstoppable, she is a saint. I can’t believe she married me.
I remember being a child and finding a book called “How To Do Nothing With No One All alone By Yourself.”
I enjoyed the book, but wondered about the people who would need that book.
that sounds like a delightful book. i wish i had it… uh…30 years ago? i had a month where disease gave me essentially solitary confinement. i ate, pooped, slept, and stared out the window until i went insane. i have not yet ventured back through that red barrier.
Feel better.
nah it’s more fun being insane
If you’re insane, then feel much, much better.
noooooooooooo
Shit I am an ad now. You might find corridors crews recent book ‘Top Ten Scary Games You Can Play In Your Head, By Yourself’ entertaining, and if you get stuck they also made a cheat book.
My pass time game is to pick two random movie stars from different eras and put them in a movie together.
Rose McGowan and Jimmy Cagney, for example.
Was latchkey kid with add. I only move in predicability. Work, relationships friendships all work because I can predict their behavior.
And hilariously enough I’ve gravitated into being a Dominant in a D/s relationship. Because if you can control it, you can predict it. (It’s consensual)
Also… Therapy kept me from being resentful.
Grew up teaching myself, except that my childhood was traumatic. Narcissists, drug users, abandonment, etc. Grew up expecting harm from others unless I gave them what they want. Also highly sensitive to the idea of fairness and perceived rejection (neurodivergence or trauma responses).
Service top. In control, but doing what others want. Needs reassurance and an expression of desire while in control of other people.
Partner selection is a pain in the ass.
often becomes adults who are extraordinarily competent
yeah… about that…
(still financially dependent (and emotionally attached to my mother since I never felt confident to explore the world on my own and make friends))
As for the resentment…
You have no idea how much I just hate my birth country.
I have this fantasy of having a perfect relationship with my mother but its this stupid ass ultra-conservative culture that destroyed that could’ve been.
Every time I my mom yells at me… every time I have conflict with family… I just can’t stop thinking: I fucking hate China, fucking toxic culture
I kinda feel like all this shame of my depression is like the spirits of my ancestors taunting me, calling me a coward for not being able to just “be strong” or whatever the fuck that means… so I just hate that country as a proxy to hating my parents… whom I don’t really want to hate… so I blame the culture, the country instead… the toxic culture robbed me of my relationship with my family of origin…
And for that, I will forever hate China… I never wanna re-visit that place ever again…
Who the fuck even wanna deal with the firewall bullshit and censorship on top of it? Jeez… I rather face my risks in the US of ICE or whatever, at least if I get shot by ICE, I would actually get sympathy… in China, they’d call me a lazy loser and totally ignore the existence of depression… and at least I could binge watch youtube in the US… China has zero media and is boring af… idk how people even survive the boredom…
Fuck CCP, Fuck Confucious, Fuck “Filial Piety”
/end rant
I don’t want this to come off wrong or as condescending, but if you have access to a therapist there in China, I humbly suggest you seek out their advice. They might help you sidestep some of the cultural hurdles you feel are in the way of what you want.
They’re in the US, but I appreciate your kindness.
My family emigrated and I’m currently in the US, where thankfully there is more acceptance for mental health issues.
And yes I’m in the process of getting help for depression… I did an intake last month… I had an evaluation today on a virtual appointment… but idk how long this shit is gonna take…
Next appointment is like… 2 weeks from now…
Idk why they keep repeatedly asking similar questions… ugh…
I can now see why people sometimes get desparate and start “talking” to an “AI” (aka: LLMs)
Please don’t @ me like that.
Emancipated at 16. Had to take my younger brother with me. I am so much better for it but it was a massive struggle.
Hey, I’m proud of you for doing what you needed to do, for making sure your brother had it better and for seeing it through to the other side.
Had to take my younger brother with me.
Omg you are such a good sibling… my older brother would totally just leave me to die 😭
So how was it meeting Tony Hawk?
lemmy users are a collection of high iq free thinking individuals who are extraordinarily competent.
Honestly I kinda like it. It’s classic Reddit energy.
I bathe in this smugness. With this, I am euphoric.
Also, often while you were teaching us, we learned leasons that were not part of your teaching plan.
