As a fellow malayali I hope that you’ll find safety and security in your expression of self.

As humans we need community - it is part of what makes us whole and gives us meaning.

Family is so important in Indian culture. It is often the window through which we experience community and derive, in part, our sense of self. It’s one of the many things I love about Indian culture. But that emphasis can also cause harm and I’m so sorry that you’re experiencing further hardship through lack of acceptance from your kin.

I can’t say I’ve been through what you’re experiencing but the first thing to do is break out of your isolation. Isolation leads to despair and despair leads to hopelessness. There are others in Kerala and elsewhere who have been through what you are experiencing. You have to seek them out and connect with them. Are there any queer organizations you’re aware of that you can become a part of? I came across this group, though not very active, it could be a starting point: https://facebook.com/Queerala/. I’m not very modern, you may be able to find something newer on Instagram or other social media.

Vasudeva Kutumbutum - the world is one family (though we may not always get along). There is love and acceptance for you in this world and I truly hope that you find it.

Find an honest friend.

It doesn’t matter if that is LivingSpirit, if that is a species-of-animal ( butterflies, for some, birds for others, jumping-spiders for still-others ), or even if it’s just a spirit you imagine into becoming real,

but it matters that they’re seeing-the-Eternal-scale better than you are, & they are your soul’s friend.

( this is the guru-yoga of relying-on-immaterial-BuddhaNature-guidance, for those who live in any AwakeSoulism/Buddhism, just remapping it out from the culture/cosmology of Buddhism )

So long as you surrender-to “higher power” who values your-life/Eternity, I’m recommending LivingSpirit, but apparently experiment has proven that faithing in a soccerball can work, so long as you do that surrendering-to/relying-on inner-yoga, then it becomes possible to get through.

See Baumeister’s “Willpower” for more hard-details, he was talking about defeating self-murdering addictions, & he rejected the evidence he was describing, rejecting that surrendering was valid, but the evidence he was giving was right.

Find your higher-power friend.

Together, you can win.

Self-centrism/ego, it turns out, actually makes survival of the “impossible” fundamentally less-likely.

https://www.kobo.com/ca/en/ebook/willpower-1

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