Im a (Canadian) indigenous, disabled, neurodivergent woman and I have an online friend group but they are white Americans, we get along most of the time except when something political comes up they usually stiffle me by declaring that they avoid politics but when topics come up in conversation they will say things like “women need to bring the birth rate back up abortion should be banned.” or “black people complain too much.” or “Christianity is the only way a person can be moral.” etc. They don’t believe they have privilege as cis-het white people, and whenever I try to educated them as delicately as I can they either yell over me or they leave the voice chat and complain about me to others. I am kind of a pariah as one of two poc in the group but the other poc is the “Well behaved Native.” and I’m the “Problem Native”.
Yesterday we were voice chatting and the topic came up once again they proudly declared they avoid politics because it’s “too depressing” I said very plainly and politely that disengagement is exactly what fascism wants, to overwhelm everyone into disengaging and turning a blind eye to the atrocities and I agreed with them that protests aren’t for everyone and social media engagement isn’t necessary but I said the very bare minimum is voting when there is a vote and signing petitions when there are any can make a difference if more people did it… and they got very very upset they left the chat and I will have to hear about it today from the leader of the group who loves to tell me off whenever he gets a chance.
it’s not just them though, it’s everyone I’ve ever known they all either judge me harshly for being political or they jump down my throat because a poc is trying to educate them on why bigotry is bad. Even other indigenous people judge me for being political, my Native family members say that speaking out against injustice is to be as evil as the one committing the injustice so they have ostracized me, and the other half of my family have never wanted anything to do with my existence because I’m an “unbaptized heathen savage.” (and that’s the least disturbing thing my white relatives have said about me). I don’t have parents or siblings…
In this age of identity politics and avoidance I’m almost convinced that I’m an alien its gotten to the point where I’m starting to become increasingly anti-social and my agoraphobia has gotten so much worse. I’m exhausted and sick of being constantly told that I’m a bad person because I think fascism is bad or that I’m disrupting the peace whenever someone says something ignorant/bigoted I’m supposed to “keep quiet or face the consequences.” which is usually humiliation, insults, ridicule, and ostracization.
TLDR; I’m lonely but I can’t seem to fit in anywhere because of how different I am so where can I find like minded people who aren’t toxic, bigoted or aggressively apolitical?
idk where to find friend material, but it’s clear those ppl aren’t.
These people don’t respect you. They’re not friends.
Here is a good place to start, but in my (admittedly biased) experience, some hobby groups tend to be more inclusive than others. TTRPGs and rock climbing to name but two.
I hope you find a place where you feel accepted for who you are. Those place exists. Keep looking!
Thanks for posting your post, it resonated with me. I’m a white Canadian male. I experience loneliness or alienation too. Yesterday, was especially alienating. Chump was threatening more war crimes and nuclear war this time. I was on Mastodon, reading posts of people talking rationally about what’s going on, feeling some community and connection. Then there was my ‘in real life.’ I go to a university that espouses social justice yet has never come close to condemning the current US administration, its wars on diversity, science, etc. The people I know and talk to don’t talk about what’s going on geopolitically. A lot of people I’ve asked have taken on an “I don’t follow the news because it’s too depressing” position since Chump returned to office. And several white people in my family have become subtly more racist.
The more the NYT (as an example) wants to abandon journalism to become a placating rag in support of the white supremacist christofascist state Chump and his camp are trying to build - the more knowledgeable of the facts and anti-racist I want to shift too. But people in my family seem to be shifting with the billionaire-controlled descent into propaganda (failing to notice how it’s changed) rather than resisting it. It’s causing some genuine conflicts between me wanting to love my family members and me wanting nothing to do with them for the views they hold. I haven’t yet figured it out.
I’ve been doing learning about colonialism and anti-Indigenous racism in Canada, which has been really illuminating. But Western leaders’ tacit approval of US and/or Israel committing war crimes in Palestine, Gaza, Iran, Lebanon, Cuba, Venezuela - this has really opened my eyes to how much western colonialism and white supremacy are flourishing. It’s disgusting.
I have found a couple things to be helpful, which I want to share. I’m a healthcare trainee, and I love it for its realness (health and sickness) in contrast with the BS running the world at the moment. It’s surprisingly easy to get along and make friends with decent people at events that only like-minded people would go to. For example, I went to anti-racist event in the fall - the people there were great. Are there any local Indigenous resources, like a community centre, you can check out?
