Yea it is one of those inherent desires programmed by evolution it is apparent in the animal kingdom. Species like Lions will generally kill the cubs of rivals when they become the alpha. Thing is you could probably easily find a guy that would be happy to adopt, but as you see in this thread those people are generally resentful of their genes. Are any of these people attractive to you? Someone that considers their own genes unworthy??? Who are you attracted to is it a healthy man with a healthy desire to propagate life?

I want zero children.

But, I will say this: if you are with a person who won’t consider adoption, but you want that to be an option for you, then you should communicate that in a healthy way.

Its not something that I would bring up on a first date, mind you. Sometimes the “kids” conversation comes up. You could always say that you have always dreamed about having a family with a spouse (if that is your thing), x number of kids, white picket fence, 2.1 cars, and a goldfish. It helps to get that kind of stuff out of the way.

But I would wait until a couple of dates before bringing up the nuance of how you would make that dream come true.

I don’t want kids period but I’d do my best to be a good father if I got someone pregnant and they decided to keep it. I sure as fuck don’t want to be responsible for someone else’s kid I had no part in creating.

The main reason I wanted kids at all was to mix my wife’s genes with mine and see what happened. I am, actually, infertile but we had some success after 2 years, and an “accident” 3 years after that. If it didn’t work out for us I think my second choice would be a sperm donor. That way I still get to see my wife in the kids. The hurdles to adoption put it last on the list of options. Right behind just not having kids. Not that I wouldn’t adopt a kid, but going through the process is/was overwhelming to me. I prefer to go about it the way my parents did. Adopt the kids in your life as they need it.

If I had the money/time to spend raising a kid, I would totally do it. My mom was adopted so paying it forward only seems right, plus it would be literally life changing for the kid.

Would have to be a slightly older kid, maybe a preteen or so? I watched a movie as a kid about a main character who lived in an orphanage, and I can always remember a scene where they were watching younger kids (toddlers or so) get adopted and the older ones getting passed over, so that would be a big ‘rule’ for me.

I don’t want children at all, but if I did I’d be open adopt a child. I have no need to propagate my own genes because I’m not that great that the world needs more of me in particular.

I don’t want to pass my faulty ass genes along, so adoption is about my only option

I, personally, am not most men (Citation needed?). However, I have a couple of anecdotal points of reference to go by:

• Two of my cousins are adopted, and I’ve never gotten the impression that my uncle was uncomfortable or anything else negative
• I know this family with one biological child, and one adopted. Same goes for them.
• Personally I haven’t thought much about it, tbh. I have four biological kids of my own, so it’s not something I seriously needed to evaluate. I guess in an alternate reality, adoption would be a theoretical possibility, but it’s hard for me to say for sure.

Some people only like the idea of kids, not actual kids. Most Americans at least are pretty much never exposed to taking care of children before they have their own. Generally it’s only the parents that assist with child care and less and less Americans are willing to get teens as baby sitters.

So when they say they don’t want to adopt is probably because they don’t like children in general, but expect miraculously that they will like kids of their own.

It may be true that most guys want biological children… but it shouldn’t be overlooked that most guys just Don’t Want Children (or rather, “parenting”).

I wanted to adopt when I was dating my wife, but that had more to do with upbringing. I was raised in a house full of women, saw multiple births growing up and just didn’t like the prospect of putting her through it. But ultimately it was just preference. She had other plans and I didn’t mind if she didn’t

There were fears when my girlfriend and her daughter moved in. About how I’d be as a dad, whether she’d be happy here, what life was going to look like.

But it was the best decision, I love them more than anything. They make me happier than I have ever been before. Raising this girl is so rewarding, hearing her say “I love you”, reading her bedtime stories, teaching her about different games, seeing her learn every day, play in sports. It makes me wish I could quit my job and spend all my time as a stay at home dad.

We’re planning to get married soon. And I am so excited.

I think men generally prefer biological children if they are fertile, we are wired that way.

And I agree that it’s normal for men to fear/worry that they won’t love their adopted child.

But when a couple agrees on adoption and finally get the child, the parenting switch is triggered and the responsibility dawns, then men will love their adopted children. I have seen that with my aunt and uncle.

I can see why you are having a hard time finding a guy that prefers to adopt, but I am sure he is out there.

Just by my gut-feeling it feels generally weird to actively go out and adopt a child. It doesn’t really make sense, but it feels like a thing that one should randomly stumble into.

I don’t see any issue with it. What I see is that many men just don’t think about having children at all until girlfriend/wife asks about it. Maybe that’s where you get the impression?