For my son’s 2nd birthday we invited all of the kids from day care, ask of my friend’s kids, basically anyone we knew with a kid to the party. One woman and her son showed up. I made so much food, I stupidly spend far more money than we could afford for this thing.

I know how you feel friend. Hope your weekend gets better.

I would be stoked if someone invited me to a BBQ to show off their back yard. I’m sorry the people you invited are… well how can I describe them? Awful? Selfish? Incomplete?

I would’ve been there. Fashionably on-time, like a wizard.

idk about the culture where you live, but for me it would be quite the disrespect by them. But it depends if it was a “yes, I’ll come” for pure politeness. Or if it is sincere. But anyways, its ridiculous.

Or have you put in the wrong date? :D

It’s a real thing in Seattle. That’s why everyone has loose invites and byob, and sometimes food or your own protein, to the party. It’s a crap shoot.

Ten people saying yes to your face then not showing up makes me think something else is going on here. Did you send a text the day before, too?

This many people fucking you around there was probably an error somewhere, wrong date or time or something. Otherwise all those people are assholes. Sorry this happened. I hope you still had a good BBQ with your family.

I’ve had similar turnout the past few times I’ve tried to host a get-together. I have given up entirely on hosting at this point. The cost and disappointment just isn’t worth it to me any more.

Aww man, I’d have loved BBQ today. It was my birthday and entirely uneventful aside from texts from people who didn’t necessarily remember the day but had it saved on their socials.

Saying your going and then just no showing and no texting is just rude. I would be so angry I would never invite any of those people to do anything again. If they had at least texted that they were unable to come - even without a reason, I would forgive them because I personally sometimes get excited about events and then just really am in a bad headspace on the day of the event. At least I have the decency to text that I’m not coming and apologize. It takes a lot of work to plan a group event whether it is BBQ, Game Night, etc. Poor form to no show and no text. These people are not your friends.

This matches my experiences. People have become flaky to the point of absurdity. I don’t know exactly how or when this started, but I suspect that cell phones have altered people’s behavior in this regard.

Consider that before cell phones, you couldn’t just send a text to cancel plans last minute - if you made a plan to show up, and you wanted to bail, you still often had to show up because you couldn’t be sure someone would have a phone available. Someone not keeping their plans would cause concern. Now everyone’s got a cell phone in their pocket and can send a message 5 minutes before a scheduled event to say they’re not coming. It’s become normal, and the more it happens, the more people will scale back on planning get-togethers because there’s no way to depend on anyone showing up.

To be clear, I don’t think it’s cell phones per se that led to this, but the behavior of people with the ability to communicate with anyone, anywhere, instantly. People feel safer changing plans last minute because it’s easy and they feel no consequence - only the poor friend who put the time, money, and effort into planning gets the pain from the fall-out. Everyone else just sends a text and goes on their merry way, oblivious to the fact that many people are doing the same thing and it absolutely can result in whoever’s planning the event being left completely alone. I’ve seen it myself for parties, I’ve seen it happen with work-planned movie nights, and here it’s happening to you, too. Something in the culture has changed, and I don’t know how we can rectify it.

If you’re in OR somehow, and within a reasonable range of Portland - I will absolutely show up if you do this again.

If you aren’t, DM the general area and maybe I know some good people there that would happily chip-in and show up.

Hopefully the family was still part of the party!

It feels bad, but at least you know who you can absolutely rely on, who will be there for you.

I’m sorry that happened to you.

I hold a monthly b-grade movie night and have never had that experience, but attendance has varied. Sometimes only 2-3 people come, and other times we’re cramming kitchen chairs between the couches. Most people will let me know if they cannot come, though. There have been people over the years that didn’t come, didn’t message, and I stopped inviting them. Those who do attend regularly are reliable, and tend to introduce friends with similar qualities.

If I may offer a friendly suggestion, just directly provide event information to your potential guests. Making people click on extra links reduces the likelihood they’ll come. If something is important, make finding the information as straightforward as possible. I directly message each friend via their preferred platform a short message with the date, time, what to expect and what to bring (write it once, then copy and paste).

Also, timing of an invite is important. I find 1 week notice is good for most, and one friend needs 2 week notice so they can arrange their work schedule. Almost no one can make last minute invites work (day of or day before). For more context, all of my invitees are working adults with no children. You may need to adjust your timeline for what is suitable for your demographic.

That’s a bummer. I’ve had the same thing happen and the feeling sucks. Hope tomorrow is a better day.

This happens sometimes. We have wildly successful parties sometimes, and other times it’s just a couple of people and way too much food.

I don’t complain because I also don’t often attend other people’s gatherings.

But yes we need to get back into the habit of visiting and entertaining, it’s good for people. And it’s good of you to offer hospitality even if nobody showed.