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seahorse [Ohio]@midwest.socialM to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 2 years ago

Perfect 4.0 Student Rejected From University Just For Being White Rapist

www.theonion.com

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Perfect 4.0 Student Rejected From University Just For Being White Rapist

www.theonion.com

seahorse [Ohio]@midwest.socialM to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 2 years ago
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LAKEWOOD, OH—In what many were calling another blatant act of discrimination in higher education. a perfect 4.0 student claimed Monday that he was rejected from the university of his choice just because he was a white rapist. “I graduated as valedictorian of my high school and played on varsity for two sports, but…
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  • withnail@infosec.pub
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    2 years ago

    At press time, Wheeler announced he would instead be attending PragerU.

    That last line brought the whole thing together.

    • Vash63@lemmy.world
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      2 years ago

      Agreed, was meh until then but the punchline was worth it.

      • Alien Nathan Edward@lemm.ee
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        2 years ago

        idk, “even though my father raped someone at the same college” definitely made contact

  • arymandias@sh.itjust.works
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    2 years ago

    Imagine being the stock photo for this article.

    • Tikiporch@lemmy.worldBanned
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      2 years ago

      Hopefully it’s an AI photo.

  • Ech@lemm.ee
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    2 years ago

    I just need to express how perfect that title is. The way it changes meaning with almost every additional word is really impressive.

    • Drusas@kbin.social
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      2 years ago

      The Onion has been doing perfect titles for decades. It’s become harder for them in recent years, with reality coming to meet The Onion.

  • Igloojoe@lemm.ee
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    2 years ago

    Shouldve had a rich parents. /s

  • Alien Nathan Edward@lemm.ee
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    2 years ago

    Could he swim?

  • Truck_kun@beehaw.org
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    2 years ago

    Last sentence is gold. Worth the read.

  • CashewNut 🏴󠁢󠁥󠁧󠁿@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    Hey OP! Did you copy my username format? Did I give you permission?

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