I met a girl that I’m interested in and enjoys comics like I do, would something like asking her out to a comic store be dumb? I have a hard time talking to girls so not sure if this would be a dumb idea.
"Hey, wanna go on a comic book store date with me at [store name] on [day of the week]?
The ask, the expectation of a date (and admission of romantic interest), and a specific time and place. Don’t leave the question open-ended or vague. Then she can respond in a few ways: 1. Yes. 2. I’m not free that day; is there another day that we could go? 3. No thank you.
This makes everything as clear as it can be, with little room for misunderstanding. And it’s not a dumb idea at all to have a comic book store date. If you have a hard time talking to girls, don’t talk to girls. Talk to humans who happen to be girls. They’re people, and you’re a person too, so you don’t need to overthink it.
You got this! Good luck!
Being clear and specific is great advice.
Thank you, now I need to find a girl without being weird.
Has someone being awkward or a bit weird ever dissuaded you from having romantic interest in them?
The weirder the better. I don’t have any interest in basic people now that I think about it
Funky finds funky. Sometimes you just gotta be yourself and someone will ooze out of the woodwork.
It’s a good idea. You may want to plan a second activity like lunch or a walk in the park as well.
And just be direct. Something like “Hey, do you want to go on a date with me? We can grab something to eat and go to the comic store.”
If she says no, don’t push it. Just say okay and wish them well.
I too was terrible at talking to girls. I still am but my girlfriend doesn’t seem to mind lol
Whatever you do, just don’t try any pickup artist or smooth talking tactics. It’s gross and cringey, doubly so if you don’t have the confidence to pull it off.
I would also disagree with a lot of the other comments, if you want to date this person, make it clear you want a date. Don’t try to do the be friends then turn it romantic thing. It can work but not when you already know you want to date them.
I think the asking for a date right away strategy doesn’t really work with everyone. You can be already sure you want to date her, but she can feel she doesn’t know you well enough yet and asking directly like that could feel like you’re too fast for her. And it could close the door for you. It’s ok to get to know one another a bit before you go out officially.
Getting to know someone is what dates are for. If that closes the door they were never gonna work out. Don’t force love on people by disguising it. Life is too short for games.
I think it’s a cultural thing, if I meet someone in certain contexts it’s better to start with coffee or drinks after work and feel each other out 1 on 1, and in others like an app or singles event, just ask them out. I also guess some people would call the first thing a date.
It is not like you start a romantic relationship if you ask for a date. The date is the opportunity to learn more about you two. Dont ask to meet at your or their place. Make it a public place so it is no problem to end the date and just walk away.
From what OP wrote, they aren’t total strangers given he knows she likes comics. He sounds fairly young so I’m guessing she’s in his social circle or someone from school. If they were total strangers or just met for the first time, then yeah I’d say it would be a good idea to strike up a casual conversation or two before asking them out. You just really don’t want to develop strong feelings for them before you ask them out. It’s a recipe for pain if she says no, and can make things pretty awkward if they’re going to have to keep seeing each other regularly.
But also being wishy-washy can close the door for you too, such as if you end up in a friendzone from which you can’t escape. The difference is that if you are forward with your intentions, you are being honest. If you mask them because you are trying to build some rapport first before to get what you want, you are trying to manipulate them.
I’m a girl who likes comics. Do it. If you can find a nerdy shop with snacks, even better. Ask her about her favorite characters and have her pick out one for you to read, if you don’t know it. That would be an awesome green flag for me. Be careful not to get too serious/gate-keepy, though. An open mind is the best way to approach this.
Sounds like a good first date idea of she’s into comics. Meet in public, you have plenty to talk about - which comics you like, dislike, certain artists you might like the style of, etc.
I once plucked up my courage to ask a girl if she would like to go see a particular show with me the following night. She said “I would, but I am already doing something tomorrow.”
I was totally unprepared for this answer and just heard “no.” She was probably a little surprised to be asked out suddenly, and didn’t take the initiative to suggest another day.
We didn’t go out. That was that. Huge mistake by me. So my advice is: be open to complications in her answer. And listen closely. If she says “I have plans.” that’s a polite decline. If she literally says “I would like to go, but I have plans,” that’s quite different.
It’s hard to hear the differences and react smoothly if you’re nervous about asking, like I was. Best of luck!
Go to more than just the store. Like go hang out at the store and have fun, then go someplace for a light lunch or even a walk in a park.
Do it! My wife was reading over my shoulder and she though the whole idea was super cute.
Good luck :)
If you only talked to her once or something and didn’t know her that well, maybe just ask her to hang out at the comic book store and mention you enjoyed talking with her, or something you genuinely liked when you last talked to her (other than her looks).
This sets up a low expectation meeting where you can figure out if it’s a crush or you actually like her and if it’s not mutual you can just hang out as friends if both of you are comfortable with that. The goal should be to feel out of you like her and not to try and convince her to go on a real date, just be yourself and see if there is compatibility in a one on one setting.
Just be honest with how you feel at the the and respect her feelings as well.
While I respect your opinion, I couldn’t disagree more here.
It doesn’t sound like he’s looking for a friend, he’s interested in her romantically. Playing it “safe” might send mixed signals and just end up with him frustrated in the friend zone. More importantly, it’s deceptive about his intentions and starting their relationship, whatever it ends up being, on a foundation of dishonesty. That’s a recipe for disaster.
He should approach it as if it’s a date, because that makes his intentions clear, and allows the whole accepting/rejecting play out much more quickly. If he really wants to be friends with her after the rejection, they can work on it.
I’m not saying he should come on strong, but this wishy-washy approach that “is it or isn’t it a date” thing just likely isn’t good for anyone involved.
I find a coffee type meeting and a conversation is a good way to feel out of it’s a crush or actual connection. I definitely wouldn’t linger if there’s a mismatch in expectations but I’ve also regretted jumping straight to dating with someone I would have liked to hang out with platonically but now they feel weird about it or think I dumped them.
It’s definitely not how a less emotionally mature me would have operated so maybe your right and it’s not the best advice here.
I guess I have to get a bit pedantic.
I’ve gone out on dates with women who I would never claim I was dating. If someone had asked me that directly, I would have said “no, but I did go on a date with them.”
So I still think what you describe is a date, but to be dating requires at least more than a one off thing.
However, I’ve also dated, or gone on a date, with women whom I remained friends with afterward. Although I can’t think of any now that I am still friends with. I think we kind of, unintentionally, fell into the area of “let’s be platonic to see if anything comes if it” and when it didn’t we drifted apart. No biggie.
Yeah I think it’s a good idea, meeting in a public space would make her feel more comfortable, and maybe if things go well you can head to a coffee shop later.
The only issue I’d see is that there ambiguity as to whether it’s a date or just shopping with a friend. But that happens with a lot of dates unless you’re doing something classic like asking them to dinner, which isn’t always the most exciting date
Ok, so for your confidence:
Had I asked my ex wife on a date when we met, I probably would have lost my virginity that night. Just to give you an idea of how good of an idea it is.
Now, your results may vary, so don’t expect that. But if she likes comics the answer is hes
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The hardest part of meeting girls is talking to them. It takes guts to put yourself out there and resilience to handle the rejection if it doesn’t go the way you want.
Ask her out. A public option is good. Something she likes. Comics are a good start if that’s her thing.
If she says ‘yes’. On your date:
- Be very hygienic (shower, clean clothes, brushed teeth, gum)
- Ask courteous questions and listen. I have yet to meet someone that doesn’t enjoy talking about themselves (yes, I know they exist). This also makes your end of the conversation easier. Favorite music, food, places to visit, hobbies, etc.
- Have a next place in mind if things are going well, but the comic shop has gotten stale (coffee, dinner, a walk somewhere well lit, etc.). Be open to her suggestions.
If she says ‘No,’ be respectful, and try not to take it to hard. It wasn’t meant to be. Take pride knowing you had the guts to try.
Good luck. Be brave. Be respectful.
I like how you guessed that a guy who is really into comics and doesn’t know how to talk to girls might have a hygiene problem.
Not saying you’re wrong, but it was pretty bold.
Nah. I’ve heard plenty of horror stories from women. None of which were about comic guys. I’ve had coworkers that were painful to be around. So that wasn’t really the assumption.
… That said I’m pretty sure I’ve read about conventions and ccg tournaments where they had to start making rules because hygiene was so bad.
Either way, best to cover your bases.
Not dumb
If she’s into comics, then it’s probably a brilliant first date.
it’s public, you can arrive separately and leave separately (a safety thing; for both of you, but especially her.) it’s probably quiet enough to have a convesation without being too quiet. and if things are going well, you can maybe go on to coffee or whatever. (unless they have a cafe in the shop. then that’s even better.) then, it’s reasonably assured it’s interesting to her, so you’re both engaged.
so you’re both engaged
Engagement speedrun. What’s next, they get married that night and have two kids the next day?
/s
engaged in the conversation; not… you know.
Hence the /s
