But how many golf balls can it handle at once? That seems to be the advertised metric on the store shelves.

Not sure which “they’re” you’re referring to, but of them already claimed they are.

We looked into the matter ourselves and we deem ourselves to meet these criteria, no follow-up necessary.

“Involuntary Detention Camp” - I think the word they are looking for is jail or prison.

They probably didn’t spring for the 6k clear coat.

*Palantir enters the chat

I enjoy Josh’s beginning segments and how he delivers the bits. I think his interviewing skills have opportunity for improvement. Some of the hosts are better interviewers.

Are we great again yet?

Nestle enters the chat

100% Biden’s fault

I’ll take the serial killer cut

If it isn’t antifa, it’s BLM, the trans, the gays, or the immigrants. There is always another strawman Boogeyman.

Seems they have fallen on hard times

Extra virgin rapeseed

💯

This is because it uses middle out compression.

No worries, Hegseth is going to whip them into shape post haste!

(SCENE START)

EXT. GARDEN - DAY

A middle-aged man, GREG, stands at the end of a long, pristine garden hose. He’s trying to water a small flower, but only a pathetic, weak stream dribbles out. He shakes the hose, kicks it, and finally gives up with a sigh of defeat.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
(In a dramatic, reassuring voice)
Has low flow got you down? Are you tired of the endless wait… for a satisfying conclusion?

(SCENE SWITCH)

INT. KITCHEN - DAY

Greg’s wife, MARTHA, is doing the dishes. Greg is standing at the sink, staring blankly into the basin. She looks at him with concern.

MARTHA
Honey, the faucet is on. What are you doing?

GREG
(Muttering, dejected)
Just… contemplating the stream. It’s… a metaphor for my life now.

(SCENE SWITCH)

INT. RESTROOM - NIGHT

Greg is in a public restroom. He stands at a urinal, a determined but strained look on his face. Next to him, a younger, much more confident man, CHAD, finishes up with a powerful, satisfyingly loud “whoosh.” Chad zips up and winks at Greg on his way out. Greg just looks at his own anemic effort and sighs, a single tear rolling down his cheek.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
There was a time when you could unleash a torrent. Now, it’s more of a… trickle.

(SCENE SWITCH)

INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE - DAY

Greg is sitting in a doctor’s office, looking sheepish. The doctor, a no-nonsense woman named DR. EVANS, is holding up a small, branded bottle.

DR. EVANS
Well, Greg, the good news is, there’s an answer.

(SCENE SWITCH)

EXT. GARDEN - DAY (REPRISE)

Greg, now looking confident and rejuvenated, stands at the end of the same garden hose. He turns on the spigot. A mighty, powerful torrent of water erupts, soaking the flower bed, the lawn, and finally, drenching the nosy neighbor, who is looking over the fence. Greg smiles triumphantly.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Introducing Niagara™. The powerful new solution for low flow.

(SCENE SWITCH)

INT. KITCHEN - DAY (REPRISE)

Martha is at the sink. Greg walks in, a mischievous look on his face. He turns on the faucet, and a magnificent, forceful stream of water sprays into the sink. Martha looks at him, a spark of pride in her eyes.

MARTHA
Well, look at that. Someone’s got their flow back.

GREG
(Winking)
Just needed a little Niagara™.

(SCENE SWITCH)

NARRATOR (V.O.)
So, if low flow has you feeling like a slow leak…

(FADE TO BLACK)

(Superimposed text on screen: NIAGRA™ - Restore the Torrent.)

NARRATOR (V.O.)
…ask your doctor if Niagara™ is right for you.

(Superimposed text on screen: ASK YOUR DOCTOR IF NIAGARA™ IS RIGHT FOR YOU.)

(VOICEOVER: RAPID-FIRE LEGAL DISCLAIMER)
Side effects may include… a sudden urge to water plants excessively, an increased desire to use public restrooms, and a higher-than-average water bill. In rare cases, Niagara™ may cause spontaneous car washing, sprinkler-related incidents, and an unexpected interest in decorative fountains.

(The sound of a powerful, rushing waterfall fades in and out)

(SCENE END)

Our tax dollars hard at work buying google ad space. FREEDUMB!