i have no advice about learning music but as far as reading things on paper/white backgrounds, it night be worth trying to change the colors of the sheet music or somehow add visual stimulation, maybe using some kind of app.

sorry this is too much interaction for me. can’t read your reply. hope it works out!

that really sucks. sorry it didn’t turn out in a way that matches your lived experience.

are you by chance also high IQ or INFJ?

i read and heard in autism podcasts that people with certain above average perception sometimes begun masking so well and from such an early age that it seems to others (and sometimes to themselves) that the mask is part is their core nature, as opposed to simply second nature. this is part of the effects of 2E (“twice exceptionality”; the name is problematic, try not to fixate on it)

found one what?

TL;DR - even if you’re both Neurodivergent, you each have different neurotypes with actually different needs and brain workings. if you really can’t find meaning and purpose in please/thanks/etc, your partner’s need to receive such social niceties(or appreciation in a different form) is just as valid. both things can be true, and it’s possible to find workarounds if you both examine what is at the root of those needs. it often comes down to figuring out how to show care daily in some way that is both sincere and is perceivable by the other person.

example: my partner likes origami. i don’t like it that much but I’m good enough at it that they find it impressive. so when i can, i give them an origami flower or animal and they feel a lot of affection from me through that.

about being called an abuser, there definitely are autistic abusers and non-autistic abusers, and autistic people who are misunderstood as having abusive intent.

just yesterday i was listening to the Divergent Conversations podcast (old episode) and they were taking about how certain autistic people who are NOT narcissistic can be mistakenly called narcissistic by others and their behavior is received as abuse by others.

the gist is that some autistic people are not particularly introspective and not curious about their own inner world, hence not curious and inquisitive about others’ inner world and feelings. this is not inherently wrong or cruel by itself. this doesn’t mean the person doesn’t have feelings. we all express and discuss feelings in different ways, which makes it sometimes don’t look like feelings at all to others’ eyes or our own.

the problem is when it doesn’t match the emotional interaction styles and attachment styles of other people we care about.

because the less curious person can’t, at the time, take steps in understanding and fulfilling their partner’s emotional needs, the partner end up having to live in the less curious partner’s pov reality which is a non-native environment for them. because it contradicts their other experiences and relational environments, it can have an effect like gaslighting. ways to fulfill the needs can be learned and the specific forms of filling the needs can often be negotiated.

the confusion with abusive/narcissistic is that the abused partner is also forced to live in a “hostile” reality which gaslights their lived experience.

so it’s important to acknowledge the other person has needs that we can’t fulfill necessarily in the default way society tells us or the way that seems easiest/most direct for the person. this is true in most relationships, and in both directions, partner a<->partner b. but the needs usually can be fulfilled in another way. or depending on what it is, it can be fulfilled by friendships/family.

regarding please/thanks specifically, i think a perceived lack of appreciation/consideration (which this words are generally associated to) can trigger RSD. if you don’t know that term, definitely look it up. it can be a HUUUUUGE part of ADHD. in the 1960s it was called “atypical depression” or sth like that because they didn’t yet really know what ADHD was.

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yes!!

i always save the boarding pass or concert ticket, whatever, in multiple formats:

• starred email
• downloaded local pdf
• screenshot (not in proton mail directly)
• etc

oh yeah this is a fantastic language learning tool

(although it can bring up problems with tonal languages like Vietnamese, Thai, Mandarin, Cantonese, etc where the lyrics often abandon the words’ inherent tones and follow the song melody instead. )

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comma works usually but i experienced inconsistent results with that in the past, so i add the

:is()

wrapper just in case

lemmy.ca##div.post-listing:has(:is([href*="url"],[href*="url"],[href*="url"],[href*="url"]))

the only way to preserve mental health in this, the worst timeline.

crunchy was criminal since the get go. their earliest releases were unauthorized reposts of fansubs, for which they already charged subscription fees!

so they started their existence by pirating while making money through stealing fansubbers’ (volunteer btw) work.

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people do whatever they have to do to feel safe. there’s no problem with that.

maybe you deserve more trust and autonomy than your parents are giving you. if the reason for asking your grades is “dad wants a treat”, it sounds like they are asking for their own pleasure, not out of concern for you.

so maybe it’s a really good thing that you’re lying to them to make space for yourself to feel emotionally safe.

every one deserves to feel safe, no matter if the feelings of danger are caused by parents or strangers.

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oh my G** this is so desperately needed

glad to help 👍

please pass the info on to anyone who types Japanese

the patch is continually being replenished, so…

heh the greatest trick of the devil was to convince people that he doesn’t ex… wait…

ads are the…?

shhhh don’t say it out loud! they’ll come after you!