I’ve been seeing poop in a path which is connected to the gates of my house. This has happened 3 times now over 1 or 2 weeks. When I saw the poop first, I thought it must be a dog. But everytime it dries (every 3 or 4 days), a mysterious pile of new shit is dropped on the old shit. It’s (very) black, very smelly and in the EXACT same spot!! Right on top of the dried shit!! I’m convinced it’s a human being. I’ve decided I’m gonna hide in some bushes nearby and catch them doing the deed. But what do I do then? What if they don’t care and continue doing it? How do I make them regret it without getting into trouble? It’d be nice if they couldn’t tell it’s me.
Jump out of the bushes while furiously masturbating. Scream at them to “KEEP GOING I AM ALMOST THERE PINCH OFF THAT HAWT STEAMING LOAF DADDY”. Pretty sure one of two things will happen: Either they freak out, pull up, and high tail it out of there never to be seen again, or they lock eyes with you and maintain that connection through a slight squint and some grunts. Make sure you record it and post this to the internet.
one of two things will happen
So both outcomes are a win in this solution.
I second this, you gotta out weird them, I suggest covering yourself with peanut butter while doing what they said.
Keep going, I’m almost there
I don’t think it’s possible to outweird someone who shits in public
Skill issue.
Well, we know who’s house we can shit out front of now!
Do you want squirrels? Cause that’s how you get squirrels.
yes, yes I do! I need them for my Squirrel Navy.
As someone who’s actually had this problem (in an urban area) and actually solved it, here’s what I did: Changed the shape of my fence so the amount of privacy the serial shitter was afforded was significantly reduced. Changed the position of my gate so that it no longer opened near the convex corner the shitter favored. They found a better spot and moved on.
As someone who’s actually had this problem (in an urban area) and actually solved it
That’s honestly quite remarkable
it was a wild few months
You think someone is shitting outside in a public space and your plan is to surprise them in the act?
Form the annals of what could possibly go wrong.
I don’t know where you live, but I am going to assume it is suburban or rural, is it possible to light the area?
No it’s not possible. What could go wrong tho
You could meet the type of person to chronically shit on a public path
You’ll get your ass beat by someone with experience and nothing to lose.
Use a wyze camera. It’s cybermonday.
Raccoons like to poop on top of their old dried poop. raccoon poop looks a lot like human poop. especially when more than one animal is using that latrine.
in the forest they often do it where two trails meet.
think about that before jumping out of a bush.
and if it was a raccoon don’t handle that poop please. call animal control.
[edit to add] if you want some nightmares; google ‘pinworm human infection’ and then stay far away from raccoon droppings.
I’m from a place in an asian country where there is generally no wild animals. Wild animals are a spectacle here. There is dogs tho
Follow them home, yeah, but then just get a shovel. Then every time they shit on your sidewalk, scoop it up and put it on their own porch.
deleted by creator
I’d like to inform you that for shit matters there’s /c/shittyasklemmy@lemmy.ml.
Just… How many people are having the exact same problem??
A shitload
slowclap
Update: It turns out the solution to my problem is Read More Theory
wat are you talking about?
Could be a fox? 🦊
Buy a camera. Catch them in the act. Call police. Have them arrested. Sadly this is the only way to deal with people (assuming it’s a human doing it).
When you call police to deal with a problem, you now have 2 problems.
I have never once thought “Thank goodness the police are here!”.
I did, once. Drove a rental car and someone bumped into me, putting a scratch in the fender.
The rental’s policy was that every accident, no matter how small, needs to be looked at by police for compliance and insurance reasons.
It took them an hour to get there, and I was glad to see them, cause it meant I could finally drive away after they were done with their useless song and dance.
This is true, especially where I live
Either this, or use the camera and set up a sprinkler.
lol.your suggestion is to install a bidet.
Wow… you’re right!
Edit - had not thought of it that way. Hahaha
That would definitely catch the fox and warn it off. Might even deter the human too if they have wet runny shit running down their legs. Great idea!
there is no wild animals here, except dogs.
I don’t know. Shitting on a footpath is pretty wild.
There is no footpath here either
In 2 days time on Ask Lemmy:
There’s some creep hiding in bushes in a path which is connected to the gates of my neighbours house. What do I do??
In 3 days:
My neigbors are doing this weird fetish thing where one openly shits on the ground and the other one watches from the safety of his shrubbery. What do I do??
In 2 days time on Ask Lemmy:
There’s some creep hiding in bushes in a path which is connected to the gates of my neighbours house where I usually shit at. What do I do??
FTFY
Uhh not shit ig? Lol
Can you install a trail cam ?
Or just poop in that spot to show dominance!
Is size the only factor in asserting dominance, or does smelliness play into it as well? Do you have any diet recommendations?
Follow them home and shit in front of their house
Lmfao
Motion activated sprinkler. Works if it’s human or animal, something like The first result on Amazon, just an example not an endorsement off the particular product
that’s just a free bidet
Exactly what I though
take a bigger shit on their shit. assert your dominance.
They’d probably love that lol
Take a photo with a flash. Call them a sick bastard and walk away.
If it happens again, post the photo on every street light and sign post around the neighborhood.Post to Lemmy as an update jk
Super soaker full of pepper spray/oil. Spray them in the any sensitive exposed area.
Sounds like a territorial claim. You should probably do a bigger poop next to theirs in order to assert dominance.
Lawyer here, this is true and it’s very important you get on to this promptly, the law in this area works similarly to trademark claims, it’s a use it or lose it kind of scenario. You might legally own the title to the land but if someone else is laying a claim publicly like this for all to see in such a clear and intentioned manner and you do not respond and defend your claim vigorously and in similar fashion, you may be found to have relinquished that title. Make sure to get lots of fibre.
Do you live in an area with lots of homeless? That seems most likely who would do that. Or some mentally deranged person. Either way, be careful with those types of people.
You could try the photography/videography aspect to bring them to justice or the classic scare and/or beat them with a baseball bat
What’s preventing a person bent on harassing you from coming back another day when you’re not home with a bigger bat? Why the need to incite violence here? There’s so many better ways to sort this, including a frank discussion, practical joke back at the offender and anything in between.
