cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/40959460
Missing the most crucial: you were born evil and will burn in fire forever unless we dunk you in a tank of water
To be fair that part actually makes perfect sense, water should beat fire
True, but grass beats water.
Is this the new rock paper scissors?
Christian heathen Stoner
My soul burns with the wickedness of a magnesium fire. Baptize me at your own peril
Depends, is it a grease or electrical fire?
Doesn’t matter as long as you have faith in the water! Douse away!
Oh I thought it was no questions
If you love my invisible friend, you can do any evil thing you want no matter how vile and still get to go to my friend’s paradise resort as long as you say you’re sorry for being evil before you die.
Wait, are we talking about Jesus or Epstein?
Yes.
I don’t think Epstein ever made anyone say they were sorry.
I talk to his dad, and you should too. His dad is everywhere, you just can’t see him. Also his dad is him, and he is his dad, but they are not each other. They are also a dove, which is a spirit.
And if you don’t worship his dad hard enough, he will torture you for all eternity. Because he loves you!
look i’ve tasted your god. he’s crumbly, mealy, and drank way too much. you should try my god. he’s tasty, requires no transubstantiation, and usually comes with butter and old bay. all praise.
Zombie Jeezus wants your BRAAAINS
Oh, Mandela catalogue. …I think?
I’m going to use this when I get another white Christian getting real racist because of a Muslim.
This but unironically
I don’t think it was being ironic. Perhaps a bit cheeky
Kinda misleading. Pretty sure this is just about catholics.
catholcs belielieve that they’re consuming blood and flesh of ther invisible friend, orthodox play pretend that they do so, so it doesn’t get much better
I’m a christian, you can be a christian too!
Let’s go make believe that we’re drinking blood and eating flesh of my invisible friend while he watches!
That way he will surely know how much we love him!
When you die and meet him, he’ll make sure to reward you!
