I’m not trans but a lady into skincare, with a trans kid (boy now).

Tretinoin, Retin-A, is the night cream of the gods. It both controls acne and slows aging, I have used it for so many years and it’s really paid off. Ask your doctor if it would help you.

That’s the backbone of my routine. I wash with CeraVe bar “soap” (it’s not soap), use a toner, DMAE gel, then at night the tretinoin, in day a light estrogen cream and mineral sunscreen. Lots of prescription stuff but I have NO genetic predisposition to great skin so it takes maintenance to have great skin.

For body care, try (not daily) a high potency glycolic acid lotion made for KP, that will help the skin turn over faster. Use that every few days, and between just moisturize daily with something light - CeraVe is good, and Naturium also make great stuff, neither are crazy expensive.

Not fashionable, personally, and my kids and their girlfriends have such different styles. Good luck to you!

Re: Skincare

Start using a body wash with salicylic acid to manage the body acne. Neutrogena makes a very affordable one.

For facial skin, a gentle cleanser at night (and maybe morning if your skin is oily) followed by a moisturizer. SPF by day to protect your skin. The world of skincare products is filled with exaggerated promises and miracle ingredients - a good cleansing and moisturizing routine is all most people need. It’s important to not overdo skincare, as it can cause chemical burns, increase sensitivity, and make the skin oilier as a response.

If you wear makeup, you must remove it before bed, especially eye makeup. Micellar water (it’s not really water) is good for a general removal, but if you wear a lot of heavy makeup or waterproof makeup, you’ll need an oil-based cleanser for that.

As for what will work specifically for you, you’ll have to find that out by trying things. Start at the drugstore and buy the smallest size you can. If you have an allergic reaction, throw it out immediately. Neutrogena has always performed well for me, and another great drugstore brand is Cerave. Other very affordable brands are The Ordinary and The Inkey List, which can be found at Sephora.

Here is my advice as a cisgender woman who grew up as a tomboy and likes to blur the gender lines.

Cramps

What methods help well against period symptoms? And out of curiosity, how much does the experience vary between us?

I didn’t start getting regular cycles or bad period symptoms until after I was sterilized in my 30s. When I am feeling extra cruddy, I take Tylenol (edit: or preferred pain reliever) and simethicone (GasX), even if I’m not gassy. Simethicone really only affects gas so taking it even when you don’t have any is not harmful. It’s also part of my regimen when the bunnies have tummy aches and their vet said there is no harm in a little too much.

Skincare

What would then help best, in getting the skin to feel more soft and look smoother?

Sorry, this is one I can’t really help with, my skin is so sensitive that I can’t use lotions often because I can feel even the lightest ones on my skin for hours and I feel greasy.

Clothing

So, what would be some ‘safe’ choices for clothing that could fit either gender for summer, but also maybe make me feel girly enough?

I grew up more of a tomboy and used to not wear dresses or skirts at all, that only changed in my early 30s. As I said above, I like to blur the gender line and I’ve learned what looks more feminine on my body type.

I realized after typing it all out, that some of these may not be for either gender or what you were looking for, but as you become more comfortable, they may be useful to you or others in the future:

• Long tunic shirts. These types of shirts can also have a bit of a flare at the bottom, so it gives an almost dress. These may not fit either gender, but once you are comfortable, they give a more feminine look.
• Long dangly earrings. I have a mohawk (really short hair makes me personally feel more feminine) and I love wearing long dangly earrings. They can dress up a more casual outfit and look very classy. I started buying earrings as souvenirs when I travel and they can be a great conversation starter too.
• Scarves. These can be used with any gender. I know you were looking for more summer items, but cute lightweight scarves create a more feminine look. I have a couple that are very lightweight/sheer that I pair with a cute top and jeans or a denim jacket and dress. The colors can also be matched with earrings or other small splashes of color in your outfit to make those colors stand out more. These are usually very inexpensive and can be also found at thrift stores.
• Shoes. Don’t neglect your feet. Cute shoes are great, but there are so many shoes that are uncomfortable or just bad for your feet. Find a style and size that fit well first, because bad shoes can cause a lot of pain up through your body and that builds up as you get older. I am tall, so I don’t wear a lot of heels, but when I do, I prefer a chunky style because they are more stable for my ankles. Heels pump up your legs/calves and give them a more feminine look, but don’t wear them unless they are comfortable. I cannot emphasize enough, do not wear shoes that hurt your feet, they are not worth it no matter how cute they look.
• Other accessories like jewelry and purses. Finding pieces that match makes a person look more put together. Cute rings, necklaces, or bracelets can be matched to earrings or splashes of color in your outfit, just like scarves. Don’t skip out on accessories.
• Nail polish. I used to just buy the cheap stuff and it would start peeling after a day or two. I do kind of like the chippy look but that’s just the old punk rock in me. In the last few years, I decided to splurge a bit and buy the next level up, think the $6 polish vs the $2 stuff. I’ll never go back to the cheap stuff again. Since the switch, my polish now lasts about 2 weeks, which actually saves me money because I’m not fixing chips all the time or reapplying more often.

Like dandelion mentioned, those cramps are probably female gut pain. I get them occasionally too ever since I started taking e. For a long time I didn’t really know what it was and I assumed it was part of PMS but I get them pretty inconsistently so idk.

And even though we can’t get uterine cramps it is still possible to have other PMS symptoms. I get breast tenderness and libido changes pretty consistently and sometimes other things on a monthly cycle and idk what else that would be other than PMS.

Also there was just a fox outside my window and it shrieked and scared the shit out of me.

Cramps

It’s a common misconception in the community that trans women experience period cramps. Period cramps are caused by hormones called prostaglandins being secreted and causing contractions of the uterus (to initiate the sloughing off of the uterine lining) … since trans women don’t have a uterus nor do they have ovaries the uterine lining where prostaglandins are produced to cause period cramps, we can safely rule out trans women experiencing the kinds of period cramps cis women and other people with the requisite hardware experience.

Instead it’s more likely that you are experiencing female gut pain, which can be triggered by estrogen:

https://www.sciencenews.org/article/female-gut-pain-estrogen-ibs-bacteria

(actual link to study: https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/science.adz1398)

This is consistent with reports I’ve heard from trans women that they seem to feel the discomfort, pain, and cramping in their gut. It’s also fairly consistent with your description of other symptoms like the “when you’re hungry” sensations (that’s probably intestinal peristalsis) and the kind of nausea feelings as well as the bloating which is probably caused by gas. +1 for @dkppunk@piefed.social’s suggestion of simethicone (is the US a common brand name for this is GasX), this can really help with the bloating / gas pains.

If it’s female gut pain, a possible solution might be to reduce simple sugars (switch to a lower sugar dark chocolate, or significantly reduce chocolate intake) and increase prebiotics like fiber in your diet (I like to eat more whole foods, leave skin on potatoes, eat whole wheat, and I even will make a drink of ground up chia and flax seeds for an extra fiber boost). A probiotic in addition to the prebiotic might also help, but that’s just a guess. Probably a balanced diet with plenty of vegetables and without many simple sugars (sodas, fruit juices, candy, etc.) would be sufficient. That’s the current guess as to how to help anyway. Might be worth trying and seeing if it helps?

As an aside, there’s nothing about chocolate that inherently helps with PMS symptoms, the limited studies I’ve read on it indicate that it’s mostly the stress of shifting hormones that causes cravings for high fat, high sugar foods. (I know, chocolate is still special in my mind for those moments and will continue to be, just wanted to be clear that it’s probably not serving a purpose beyond fulfilling stress-induced food cravings.)

Skincare

Use a loofah in the shower and maybe introduce an exfoliant - I have a glycolic acid shower gel I really like and is fairly effective. For face washes I like ones with salicylic acid (I don’t use those every day, maybe once a week? depends on your skin).

I would recommend a routine where you shower before bed, you exfoliate in the shower, and then you put a good lotion on right out of the shower to trap that moisture. I like to look for body lotions with ceramides, in the US CeraVe is a popular brand (and I like the cruelty-free alternative ceramedx).

I would also add a cosmetic sunscreen to your daily routine - put it on in the morning before you go about your day, and if you go outside, re-apply every few hours (esp. before you run or bicycle - you might actually use a sunscreen that will work even if you sweat for those occasions - Bondi Sands has great sunscreen for this purpose).

Sunscreen is the number one way to reduce aging and protect your skin. I know most people’s experiences with sunscreens are that they are greasy and unpleasant - but I promise there are amazing cosmetic sunscreens that sit nicely on the skin and can look & feel nice. There are also nicer body sunscreens out there - I love Lab Muffin’s youtube videos for sunscreen recommendations (and honestly all of her content is great if you want to learn more about cosmetics).

Also the recommendation I hear is to wash / replace your pillowcase once a week, mostly to reduce the amount of dirt, bacteria, and dust that ends up on your face while you’re sleeping.

Clothing

The general recommendation is to look at what other women around you are wearing. Usually skirts and dresses will communicate a more formal or traditional vibe, and this will draw a lot more attention to you. If you pass well this attention might be fine, but with masculine traits you might get more stigma and hate.

Despite that reality, I spent my early transition always in a dress or skirt because I had little other way to communicate “woman”.

Ironically, once my body and face started to be seen as female, I found it easier to dress more like other women (tbh it’s a lot of t-shirts and jeans, blouses and slacks, etc.).

Learning to dress for a masculine body was also a whole skill. I learned that my torso was long, so high-waisted jeans looked more natural and less weird on me. I learned that anything that showed off my back or shoulders was a liability, as well as anything boxy or with puffy shoulders - in general I learned to wear a black wrap over most outfits to diminish my arms and shoulders, while wearing v-necks and jewelry that drew attention away from my neck and shoulders and drew the eyes towards my breasts.

I also learned to wear skirts that weren’t fitted and puffed out so they covered my belly and hid how small my hips & butt were - A-line skirts, ruffled skirts, etc. were preferable to something like pencil skirts.

I would read up on how to dress for inverted pyramid / strawberry shaped bodies (broad shoulders with thin waist, which is a common masculine build lots of trans women have), or apple shaped bodies (if more wide in the belly). Some trans women have more “banana” / rectangular shaped bodies, so that might be worth looking into as well if that’s more descriptive of your body.

Also, if it’s not obvious, women’s clothes fit differently, so when I mention t-shirt and jeans I mean women’s t-shirt and jeans. They emphasize different parts of the body. I found it nice to have my favorite t-shirts in various sizes - it’s nice to wear a really tight-fitting t-shirt to show off my boobs while having a wrap to cover up and provide some comfort.

I could talk endlessly about clothes, but overall I would say the biggest advice is to wear what’s normal for your age and demographic - what are women like you wearing? Notice and try it out. You can also checkout /r/OUTFITS and other such spaces to get inspiration (though these days I feel those spaces have been ruined by onlyfans promotions, you can still find plenty of good posts).

I used to find that a glass of wine eased period cramps, back in the day. Admittedly, I never had severe cramps, just a dull ache.