I’m not a guy, so I don’t have that perspective, but there are quite a few women I loathe without any male Intervention whatsoever. I imagine plenty of men are capable of the same.
Nobody needs a man to hate, say, Kristi Noem.
I’m pretty sure the OP is talking about misogyny and misandry, rather than just hating people for some other reason (in your example: their actions)
I think the OP is about general group hate too.
I do want to add that this post could be because people are conditioned to just be quicker to judge women? Also the world does pressure us to compare ourselves and often compete in ways.
Men who have a bitter hatred of women get it from:
- Their own behaviour and the backlash thereto.
- The influence of other (presumably respected) men.
Excellent point on the backlash.
I think both can have bitter hatred for the opposite sex/gender for both reasons.
I’ve had plenty of conversations with my wife about one of her coworkers or similar where we conclude, “okay, we hate her now.”
It’s a complex issue from all sides.
Still, the most misogynst people I’ve met blame specific women, then apply those feelings to women as a whole.
My hatred of the patriarchy comes from systemic issues I’ve faced. I just hate the men who exacerbate those issues.
If you are a victim of assholes, and it’s happened more than once, it’s time to get therapy to discuss codependency issues and how to reestablish boundaries. Even with a psychopath or narcissist, it takes two to tango, and one’s lack of boundaries allowed the poor treatment. The scary part is that anyone can create a monster out of an otherwise halfway normal person by not establishing boundaries. I’ve been on both sides, and it’s eye opening that ones character is so fragile even when we think we’re good people who would never do such things.
Nobody is immune. Never forget to check yourself. If your spouse says they feel like they are walking on eggshells, then spend some time in cognitive silence to evaluate that severe red flag and if you’re projecting your shit onto someone else. It’s an easier mistake to make than you think, and it is easy to do abusive behavior without knowing it.
It’s also possible to be in a life situation where you’re vulnerable and being exploited by the society around you.
Not everyone has a way to escape from their surroundings, let alone get therapy
Even with a psychopath or narcissist, it takes two to tango, and one’s lack of boundaries allowed the poor treatment.
I’m getting a whiff of victim blaming here.
Not everybody was brought up by supportive, trustworthy parents. Not everybody is in a good pecuniary position to “just leave”. Not everybody is ready to face violence when boundaries are established. . . .
And a cast of thousands.
This applies to men too. Johnny Depp is a good example. He would have been what psychotherapists call codependent in that relationship. I’ve always hated the term. There is a book called Codependency Recovery Plan. It’s about recognizing when boundaries are being breached and so forth.
Agreed that this doesn’t apply in all situations, especially with women. It asked for an opinion though. I was in a situation and had to accept accountability for my own actions to prevent it from happening again. Statistics show that if you don’t resolve the issue of responding to red flags after being in a “codependent” relationship, you’re more likely to end up in another. Worked for me but maybe not for all environments.
Audience is an important piece to this discussion.
If the assumption is that therapy is an option, then the audience for @ScoffingLizard’s comment is very narrow - literate, health-conscious, a person of some means. It’s good advice within that narrow audience.
For the rest of the world, though, it’s abysmal advice. “Codependency” isn’t really an accurate description of relationship dynamics in oppressive societies like Saudi Arabia or the harsh realities in the slums of Bangladesh.
I’m just assuming it’s the typical very narrow, culturally inexperienced, “educated” middle class white opinion being expressed whenever I hear “get therapy”. Getting therapy is very much a middle class white American hobby in particular.
Point taken. Is therapy something people consider stupid in your country?
It’s considered shameful here. There’s a cousin of my SO who desperately needs therapy; he had a breakdown mid-college and is now suffering from at the very least some form of depression, and may actually have some kind of psychosis involving episodes of delusion.
But he doesn’t go to counselling because that’s shameful to the family. They take care of him, but not to the extent of taking him to therapy.
It’s one of these “Good Intentions Paving Company™” situations, basically.
Is codependency really the right word to use when faced with systemic oppression?
Absolutely not. It’s the commonly used term to describe the relationship between the abuser and abused in psychotherapy. It’s always bothered me too. The term in that context is misleading IMHO. It’s the one they use though. Definite ly not good for systemic oppression.
We’re not talking about relationships.
Misogyny is definitely growing with men as a group it feels like. But it was always there.
I think it does just come down to a ton of men still being very patriarchal, and just the arrogance that comes from that mindset. The audacity of patriarchal men to mistreat women and not respect women’s boundaries the way they would a man’s. I think a lot of them also try to say that women are being too sensitive since men tend to be rough with each other, but many men do things to women far worse than what they would do to a man. Thrre is also the playful day to day sexism, certain kinds of immature straight men will push each other down, but then push women down a lot lower. There are some very gendered ways in which men bully or abuse women, and not a lot that goes the other way around, and men’s abuse of women gets its own permission structure. I think it’s just what sexism allows men to do, and what patriarchy encourages men go do. And then the world is so forgivibg of men, but so hypercritical of women that there are all sorts of reasons people make up to hate us. The patriarchal men feeling superior and getting pushback is just one.
