Imagine how creepy that would be from her perspective. Someone shows up and is trying a little too hard to be friends, that’s weird but ok. But now they know things about me that I never told them. Eek!
“Hey, I know you’re just some 20 year old college student, but have you ever considered that you might be a lesbian?” Coming from an 18 year old who is clearly pleading for this all to go better than she’s had nightmares of and is unwilling to wait another 6 years to meet you in a dungeon.
Alternatively I do wait, but I’m no longer the kind of fucked up I was then. What began with us being in a similar emotional state and thriving on the raw honesty of “hey, I just got out of a relationship that went sour because I realized what I needed, so I’m probably not ready for a relationship, but know what I want” being “hey, I know way too much about you and am actively desperate for you specifically, but I love you so please give me a chance.”
The good news is I actually don’t believe there’s any one soul mate. Were I to actually find myself in that position I very likely would get over her in high school or something and move to resolve my other issues with life, get my shit together younger, come out at a young age, study more, get into a better school, pick a better major, push my mom to get her headaches checked out sooner… with all that, I’d probably be able to leave Ohio sooner and possibly before I would meet her. But also who would I be then? I certainly wouldn’t date my ex, (and thus might end up homeless after college if I don’t get my shit together earlier), and so I wouldn’t be able to bond over our similar exes. We wouldn’t be able to grow together in the same ways, and so even if we did find each other again she’d become someone different and so would I and I’d still be haunted by memories of a different her.
Also we aren’t monogamous and so I definitely wouldn’t be waiting for her. So there’s a good chance I’d find someone else and marry her. It would be deeply unfair and unwise to self destructively chase after a woman with whom my early relationship involved a lot of making sure we’d both be ok if the other left (we both had bad histories with people attempting codependence and so we forced ourselves into a secure attachment style from my anxious-disorganized and her avoidant).
So yeah soul mates aren’t real, but wonderful loving long term relationships are.
Spend 20some years dreading that I’m probably going to fumble my wife by knowing she’s perfect for me
Imagine how creepy that would be from her perspective. Someone shows up and is trying a little too hard to be friends, that’s weird but ok. But now they know things about me that I never told them. Eek!
“Hey, I know you’re just some 20 year old college student, but have you ever considered that you might be a lesbian?” Coming from an 18 year old who is clearly pleading for this all to go better than she’s had nightmares of and is unwilling to wait another 6 years to meet you in a dungeon.
Alternatively I do wait, but I’m no longer the kind of fucked up I was then. What began with us being in a similar emotional state and thriving on the raw honesty of “hey, I just got out of a relationship that went sour because I realized what I needed, so I’m probably not ready for a relationship, but know what I want” being “hey, I know way too much about you and am actively desperate for you specifically, but I love you so please give me a chance.”
I already did that this time around. Lost the love of my life from my fumble.
… This next time though… :D
The good news is I actually don’t believe there’s any one soul mate. Were I to actually find myself in that position I very likely would get over her in high school or something and move to resolve my other issues with life, get my shit together younger, come out at a young age, study more, get into a better school, pick a better major, push my mom to get her headaches checked out sooner… with all that, I’d probably be able to leave Ohio sooner and possibly before I would meet her. But also who would I be then? I certainly wouldn’t date my ex, (and thus might end up homeless after college if I don’t get my shit together earlier), and so I wouldn’t be able to bond over our similar exes. We wouldn’t be able to grow together in the same ways, and so even if we did find each other again she’d become someone different and so would I and I’d still be haunted by memories of a different her.
Also we aren’t monogamous and so I definitely wouldn’t be waiting for her. So there’s a good chance I’d find someone else and marry her. It would be deeply unfair and unwise to self destructively chase after a woman with whom my early relationship involved a lot of making sure we’d both be ok if the other left (we both had bad histories with people attempting codependence and so we forced ourselves into a secure attachment style from my anxious-disorganized and her avoidant).
So yeah soul mates aren’t real, but wonderful loving long term relationships are.