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That’s not necessarily an autism thing, a lot of people just don’t know when to shut the fuck up and let someone add to the conversation.
This, 100%. If you’re unsure, pay attention to the subject matter. If they hop topics 5 times before taking a breath, it ain’t you.
At which point, do you really want to contribute anything?
Just walk away and start communicating with the trees or something.
But how do normal people just keep talking in a conversation that has no gaps? I’ve seen it happen, the conversation stays on a topic but there are literally no gaps where you can start talking. It’s like they know when it’s their turn so they can immediately start talking when the other person finished their sentence. And they know what the other persons last word is.
And also, they know WHAT to say and look present and connected at the same time. Incredible stuff, like watching somebody juggle buzzsaws.
They don’t really always do that. I think there is also a thing where the one talking let the other one take the word if they start talking. As an adhd gal i often experience how I, if I give the slightest pause after a sentence, even if it is pretty clear that it led up to the next sentence, some nevrotypical person starts talking. Not because I’m done, but because the sentence ended
fridam@lemmy.blahaj.zone This. There’s some sort of flow and cadence they lock on to, and seem to know when to give way and when to take over. There might even be body language they’re reading to know when to jump in and when to yield. I’ve watched it happen at work for years now, where my pod of coworkers will be discussing an issue, and they all just speak seamlessly, one person’s sentence sending and the next person’s beginning like they had coordinated. Meanwhile, I’ll be sitting there waiting for everyone to stop and give a clear signal that there is room to add my own thoughts, and the space never comes.
Usually my manager puts the breaks on the discussion to say “Kichae, it looks like you have something you want to add”. Or, I just stop waiting for an opportunity and start talking over people, and I’m the largest and loudest guy in the room, so they stop.
I have a coworker who does this. I accepted a long time ago that we aren’t having conversations, she’s just speaking AT me.
Yeah some people like to talk, even it’s a repeat of the last talk, sometimes you just gotta feign a phone call or a message and move on
A good conversationalist gives the word to somebody to sombody thad didn’t seize the tempo after they said their piece. “… You where about to say something”
Said this on half the memes here. Oh, all of them are by the same OP, go figure.
LadyButterfly is a very prominent poster. Which is a good thing. It makes lemmy feel less empty but it also has the consequence of lower quality posts.
Oh yea, most of their posts are great, and my response was left without context. The ones here just always seem a bit off target, and commentors seem to agree.
I don’t even think this is strictly a neurodivergent issue. Some people are just rude as fuck and will talk over you long after you’ve started “your turn” to talk in the conversation. I had a former coworker like that and he was so frustrating to converse with because he never let anyone get a comment in. It was like talking to a television.
It becomes pretty clear where the problem lies when this happens in all group conversations. There’s no way everyone you interact with is rude like that.
It’s fun to forcefully take your turn and find out how long you both keep talking, as an experiment.
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And then the subject changed. And you didn’t follow and still don’t follow because you are still busy with the conversation simulator ik your head about what you wanted to say in the first place.
And when you catch up with reality the subject changed again and you are lost.
And you still want to say what you were going to say.
That’s when you say “jumping back a minute to subject X for a bit,” then say what you wanted to say. If it spurs further conversation on that subject, great. Otherwise you still leave an opportunity for the conversation to go back to where it had already gone.
Sometimes I just breach and keep talking hoping the other person stops.
The most awkward is when they don’t so when you finish your sentence, no one heard, but you also didn’t hear them and everyone is now doing that “concentrated on listening looking confused” face, but focusing on the other person. That’s when you know you fucked up.
every fucking time.
Me (ADHD) and one of the autistic guys at work are a damn disaster trying to converse sometimes. He barrels on for so long with a train of thought that I start daydreaming or get distracted by a phrase and tune him out. Then i snap to reality and realize the conversation is over and I’ve barely heard most of what he’s said. It’s… troublesome. I sometimes have to record our meetings or take notes and make a summary to put it all together.
But with others that are not neurotypical, usually also ADHD, it almost seems like we can read each other’s thoughts with how we can rapidly jump around various subjects with barely any context and be on the exact same page. Strange how that works.
The ADHD/autism duo follows the comedic archetype of whiteface and red-nose, and gave rise to Mythbusters as well as my own marriage.
My kid got the ADHD end of the stick though, so now I’m outnumbered. It’s Savage.
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🤠
This is also a neurotypical feeling when trying to carry on a conversation with multiple people. Especially if they’re our ADHD friends. Goodness, that becomes so overwhelming.
That’s interesting, from a conversational analysis point of view there are literally little measurable breaks in all conversations where anyone can try to take the turn.
Does that mean you lot can’t hear them?
Or is it a matter of not having the timing to hit them, o maybe that other people (verbally)wrestle the turn from you?
not literally in all conversations
I found that out the hard way with my new manager. he literally doesn’t give people a chance and just moves on. it’s infuriating
There are ways to keep the turn, of course, that’s why people say uuuh and ummm. Sounds like a frustrating manager 🙄
Yes
In a normal conversation with normal people maybe. Get three or more people that love to talk and every little break is instantly jumped on by the others. Online meetings are even worse. In person, your body language usually gives the hint that you might want to say something. Online, I just respond in chat now when I can’t actually speak during the meeting. I’m not going to fight for a turn.
Right, that sounds pretty normal - though frustrating. Conversational behaviour is also cultural, of course.
I try for few times and then just give up after wards even if people ask if I was saying something( which is rare), i just say that i forgot.
I dont like cutting people off.
find a neurolospicy friend group. Immediately. Go to where you think you’ll will want to hang out, find a neurolospicy group, and force you way in. best thing I’ve ever done in my life.
This post was triggering, then made me happy that I don’t have to deal with that bullshit anymore. At least with the people I care about.
Genuinely doesn’t help. At least IME, and I assume each group is different. It really just depends on the people and how self-absorbed they are. Neurospicy people can be just as rude and self-obsessed as neurotypicals
However, being on the receiving end of this -a ton- as well as the defeating glory that is starting to say something only to be interrupted and have your conversation partners just entirely stop listening to you, never to resume… being a recipient of that all too often has taught me to always pivot back to or focus on whomever was trying to say something, to let them get their damned thought out, not just trailing it off into the void.
iamnorrealtakeyourmeds@lemmy.world > find a neurolospicy friend group. Immediately. Go to where you think you’ll will want to hang out, find a neurolospicy group, and force you way in. best thing I’ve ever done in my life.
It should be noted, this trick doesn’t work if the group is all extroverted ADHD-havers.
Or introverted! My family of ADHDers will not only interrupt over last word, but sometimes two people will complete their full sentences at the same time. We’re all on top of it. No worries if you didn’t finish your thought because we changed topics, just say the sentence when there’s a nice lull 40 minutes later with no introduction at all and we’re all back in. No one ever feels interrupted or has hurt feelings, we just are glad of each other’s company and love to get together. All the husbands are really sensitive about it and take it very personally, but my brother just brought in a long term gf who fits right in! She also interrupts with the most interesting things! We love her!
My husband hates being interrupted, but if i don’t jump in, he will talk for 15 minutes or longer with no breaks about something whether I’m interested or not. So he rambles and I interrupt and we both think the other has poor awareness. We love long car drives because there’s plenty of time for both
I struggle here. I did a fair amount of speaking and voice work in the past, which trained me to minimize the use of filler words. Since that means I go silent if I need to think a moment, I have to battle back those who are listening not to understand, but for silence so they can begin. It makes work meetings, especially calls without video, very frustrating.
My personal take is this used to happen to me all the time because I am actually actively listening to the entire content of what the other person is saying, then trying to formulate the next thing to say based on that. Do that and you’ll constantly miss your turn at conversation. Just vibe with whatever is being said and then respond to just the last sentence or last few words you heard right before the person stopped talking. Neurotypical people pretty rarely hear/remember much of exactly what someone else had said, they “feel” it internally as the words come at them, pick up a keyword or two from the last few words spoken, and carry on from there. Start doing that and you’ll respond in time with their pace.
In my experience, that’s how you start saying a lot of offensive stuff because you only considered the literal meaning of words coming out of your mouth.
Been there, done that, got called “egotistical” for it.
Find friends who appreciate your input. I struggle with this too, but I refuse to put effort into sneaking into a conversation whose participants won’t open it to me. My friends are mostly NT but they can just tell when I’ve got something I want to say.
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