• Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world
    15·
    10 hours ago

    If violent retribution is one of the paths inceldom leads to, it’s not terribly surprising if a femcel group goes the same way. What’s that saying? “Hurt people hurt people”?

    If the only bond a group of people have is due to the pain they’re in, it can easily turn toxic. It’s a shame so many people turn toward incel/femcel communities instead of toward groups about shared interests or topics. I get wanting to commiserate with others, but when it becomes a circle jerk of sadness, sticking around can make existing issues so much worse.

    • Talcosis@lemmy.zip
      3·
      4 hours ago

      Problem with that is that there’s a very small window in which saving an incel/femcel is easy. Before that window, they’re generally still normal but maybe withdrawing. After that window…interacting with them just kinda sucks. You need to have a certain willingness to deal with excessive self-deprecating sadness and basically make life worth living for them.

      Incel/femcel communities stew in that toxicity, so it’s easy to add your own toxicity to the stew. Normal people don’t want to put up with that shit.

      Source: a dear friend from back in the day dealt with my nearly incel ass, preventing me from falling all the way down the hole.

  • RightHandOfIkaros@lemmy.worldEnglish
    52·
    17 hours ago

    Any time a group of people is open to anyone joining it’s going to get ruined by the awful people using it as an excuse to be awful. Doubly so when the original group of people is emotionally vulnerable and hurt.

    Incel, Femcel, doesn’t matter. Makes no difference to awful people what they’re called if they can get in a group to collectively fantasize about being more awful than they could get way with in real life. I wish the actual people that are hurt can get the help they need to get better.

      • RightHandOfIkaros@lemmy.worldEnglish
        2·
        4 hours ago

        I think most people that frequent those type of communities feel the same, and I hope you and all of the emotionally vulnerable, man or woman, are able to get real help that you need to feel better and more self-confident. Pain in the heart is not a fun thing to spend one’s time dealing with.

  • FavouriteShapes@sh.itjust.works
    7·
    14 hours ago

    I’ve never met a “femcel” - as in a woman with poor social skills who stays inside and games a lot, perhaps lacking optimism about their romantic prospects and overall destiny - in my life so the whole concept did strike me as weird. Seeing the “femcel” subreddits, twitter pages and Instagram pages, all it reminded me of were the toxic girls from my hometown who essentially scared off new prospects by being so rude to them and CLEARLY chose their lifestyle very early on.

    I therefore think femcel is a misnomer. I think generally women aren’t getting hung up on men in an incel-ly way - the ones that do skip straight to stalker serial killer lady - I think women are good at socialising and always have some sort of support system.

    • strawberry_enjoyer42English
      5·
      9 hours ago

      I’m simply autistic, trans, and in a rural area. My “prospects” are extremely limited, and my poor social skills would inhibit me even if they weren’t.

      I’m in the femcel to get hugboxed and encouraged that I’ll find someone someday if I really want to, and to do the same for others.

      I can’t speak for all of us, but I actually really like boys; I think they’re cute :3

    • Localhorst86@feddit.org
      13·
      11 hours ago

      I’ve never met a femcel

      Classic case of survivorship bias, that’s because the have poor social skills and stay inside. Unless you breaking and entering their homes you can’t find them.

    • FavouriteShapes@sh.itjust.works
      1·
      14 hours ago

      I think you overestimate the ability of biological women to hold their own against biological men once the men are >14 years old. Women deal less forceful blows and they usually have shorter stature which reduces leverage, this reducing force of attack and wrestling ability. They have less grip strength usually, and will struggle to reach the man.

      In other words: it doesn’t really happen? Also why exactly would violence be based, anyway? If this is some sort of reaction to men attacking women, then pretending there are “based women who beat on men” doesn’t really solve that issue, nor does it necessarily solve any problems if it actually happens.

      If we are talking about literal boys and girls, I’m never going to celebrate kids beating each other up. That’s just weird.

      • TwilightKiddy@programming.devEnglish
        23·
        14 hours ago

        This makes it sound as if women never commit violence against men, which is just not true. Most people are not always on edge ready to fight for their life, fights are not always decided by whoever is physically stronger.

        And even though it’s a crime to beat someone in most countries, this sort of violence, especially if it’s of sexual nature, is probably somewhere around the most underreported ones.

        If a man tells someone he was beaten by a woman, he is automatically a laughingstock material, because “oh, men are physically stronger than women, no way that happened”. It’s even worse for rape, because there is no concept of men not consenting to sex in the “traditional” masculinity image.

      • ButteredBread@sh.itjust.works
        9·
        13 hours ago

        Generally that’s true, but not always, also beating someone up is not necesarily related to physocal ability. You can notice the post says “nerd boy” or something along those lines. This probably implies not only someone that likely does not exercise much making them weaker but probably also someone insecure meaning they’re less likely to fight back.

        Also. What you say also makes it generally more acceptable for women to harm men. My brother once got hit by a woman and the literal principal of the school just said like something that he should not be complaining for a woman hitting him or something like that. That’s obviously not a good principal and I find the situation funny but like because of the same thing that like men can’t harm women and that you know. (Harmful to both sides I would say anyways, no one should be hurting anyone and anyone should be defending themselves.)

        Also I think the original comment was a joke.

        Also if a trans-woman is on HRT the physical abilities should not be that different from a cis-woman, sure there’s still the height but there are still exceptions like the person just being short, having one of those surgeries that make you shorter, the other person being tall, or having started HRT in puberty and that kind of stuff.

        Also this is just what I know and consider based on what I know and personal experience and I could of course be wrong.