You’re a huge part of making this place what it is so thanks for being here and posting.

I’ll keep trying, i really appreciate your supportive words. <3.

Well my GP told me that they will not help in any way except to refer me to a GIC so I can wait 2 years just to be seen then fight for my life through a gauntlet of gatekeepers. So fuck that. I did find a drug harm prevention group in my city that does monthly free blood testing for trans folks on HRT so that is my next stop. Idk if they will do the full range of tests that’s required to get started with Imago though so it might end up having to be DIY. But at least there’s a way i can monitor myself.

In this context means “notice that someone is trans”.

Ty! I will look for it, it’s so pretty

My doctor is holding out on me and not agreeing to give me blood tests. But just found out there is a new free clinic in my city run by some trans women that are part of a drug harm prevention group. Might be my only way to get affordable blood work so I’m hoping for the best. It’s at the end of the month.

<3 sending love. Wishing you some better experiences.

Gorgeous!

Gosh this is so relatable. I wrote my own thoughts up in another comment but yeah, same as you.

[edit: I meant to reply to the comment above yours, sorry]

TL/DR experiencing gender euphoria for the first time made me realise I’d been living with crushing gender dysphoria my whole life).

Convinced myself for years that I was just an ally. Convinced myself that there was some magic certainty available to “real” trans people that I didn’t possess. I remember a dear friend (trans girl, probably carefully trying not to break the prime directive) asking me “if I’d ever had any gender feelings?” and I said (with a straight face my dear reader) “not really…I mean I hate everything male and masculine about myself but…”.

That same year I watched “I Saw The TV Glow” and i cried almost throughout, like broken down ugly crying. Particularly the third act. I didn’t even realise that it was a trans film until later. I remember turning to my friend who was watching the movie with me (a sweet cis man), as the credits rolled, and said to him, through buckets of tears, “that was amazing” and he was like “yeah it was alright”. I wondered for a few months why the fuck i reacted that way to that movie.

Fast forward a few months and I was going to a queer event and I decided to put on nail polish, you know for fun, and it gave me happy feelings I couldn’t explain. Slowly started playing a bit more, jewellery, makeup, and it kept making me feel good in a way I couldn’t explain.

So then I was up late one night googling “am i trans?” (you know that normal question that all cis people have googled a a few dozen times), and came across the gender dysphoria bible. Well, that was what finally smashed the egg. The “oh my god, THAT’s what gender dysphoria is, and wow do i have a whole lot of it” moment. From then I let myself explore more with clothes, styles, etc. Let myself imagine what it might be like to be seen as a girl, let myself imagine what it might be like to have the physical effects that came along with HRT (which of course, I knew everything about already because I was a very well-informed cis ally).

It eventually got to the point where the doubts just didn’t make any sense any more. I’m currently in therapy with a nice older trans lady, and awaiting a spot at free clinic to get my bloods checked so I can start HRT.

Some other missed signs:

• Getting my first tattoo, my arms being shaved for it made me happy in a way I couldn’t explain.
• Every character I have ever made in any video game that has allowed me to, has been a woman. Not just any woman, the same woman. Every time.
• 1000s of egg_irl memes on my phone (why is it that every time i saved a relatable meme then checked the community it came from it was egg_irl over and over? no further investigation needed apparently).
• A sense of intense longing whenever I was in queer spaces but very specifically when I was spending time with trans women.
• Intense self-hatred around my body
• Panic attacks in any situation where I was made to wear a suit

The list goes on.

So happy for you, it’s so nice to have this community to post and read about people’s wins!

I’m desperately trying to get started, looks good that I should be able to start within a month. Hyped.

The boooooooooooooooooooots

That outfit is absolutely fire omg.

Beautiful!

I hate gatekeepers. Best of luck in your next steps Eskee.

Hnnngggg I want it so bad

Every day I live is a cold revenge against the people who don’t want me alive.

Fucking right. <3.

Congratulations! Thanks for sharing, wishing you a speedy recovery and a sexy chest.

Ugh. Fucking bigots

Lol I had the exact same fear. Proud of you for telling everyone.