i can’t speak to that or why it didn’t work, but I do want to reiterate that I consider it vital that a fandom’s third-party-ness, not specifically tied to autism but disarming and fielding the perspectives and kind of native expression of auties, is what makes it so valuable. and a targeted learning environment like a con gives directionality and keeps the eye of sauron off you, at least until you gather enough confidence and form enough opinions to want to speak and be heard. at which point you will find a welcome.

I live near Detroit, and there are fandom conventions each year that I go to (and now take my neurodiverse and queer daughter to each year). Penguicon is the main one for us, although there is Confusion nearby as well. They are organized, staffed, and populated by people on every spectrum imaginable. the density of autistic individuals is very high, and the seminars, social events, and parties are made by neurodiverse individuals for other neurodiverse individuals, with the fandoms being nearly as varied as the attendees. fandoms are handy as mutually agreed upon platforms around which to enjoyably interact without putting undue attention or pressure on any participant to be anything except excited to be there. i cannot recommend this approach enough to someone who wants to be appreciated and seen as who they are by people who will make them feel safe. there is no age limit either. and although they are only a weekend long usually, you can meet people that make you feel safe and seen and then continue those relationships throughout the year. i don’t know where you live, but you should look into the local fandom scenes and events.

yeah those will get in the way. it can be difficult to find a sense of acceptance in social settings in this snapshot of human civilization, especially if you’re starting from what feels like the bottom. do you have anything that helps with the anxiety and can help you start with the necessary risks of vulnerability through participation? do you have any fandom cons or ren faires or other notoriously accepting safe spaces available to you?

Do you have any hobbies that you can share with someone? What do you think of as your biggest obstacle to connection? You mention support people - so I have to assume some impediment to freely participating in public life.

Things can improve. You obviously feel low. Open up a bit more here, I am listening and so are these others. What would you want to say to someone who loved you?

yes

It already runs on the Pixel 9 Fold, and has for a while now.

Yes, generative AI is a normative neurotypical triangulation machine. Why would this be thought of favorably?

Probably the pertinent bit: “Sulla revived the office of dictator, which had been dormant since the Second Punic War, over a century before. He used his powers to purge his opponents (“Sulla’s proscription”), and reform Roman constitutional laws, to restore the primacy of the Senate and limit the power of the tribunes of the plebs. Resigning his dictatorship in 79 BC, Sulla retired to private life and died the following year. Later political leaders such as Julius Caesar followed the precedent set by Sulla with his military coup to attain political power through force.”

Dude made himself dictator, reformed laws, purged his political rivals then gave it all up to go live in his villa once he felt he’d achieved his goals of putting the republic back on the rails. Julius Caesar later remarked that the one mistake Sulla made was that he gave up the power he had seized.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sulla

Bunch of bangers on this list already, but the one that sends shivers up my spine to this day is Crusader Kings 2.

“Paradise by the Dashboard Light” by Meatloaf

There were humans who lived through both the final fall of the (eastern half of) the Roman Empire (May 29, 1453) and the European discovery of the Americas (October 12, 1492). The time between these two critical milestones in European history seems like it should have been much longer than 39 years, 4 months, and 13 days.

I love Tactical Breach Wizards, which is somewhere between Into the Breach and Invisible Inc (also amazing).

The fungal infection of AI in everything in Windows 11 finally tipped me back fully into Proton-land, and I run Garuda and couldn’t be happier. All my games run, sometimes more smoothly than they even did on Windows, and I am reunited with my love: gnome3. Thank you, Valve. Thank you Linus.