I want to improve my social skills. I thought by way of stepping out of my comfort zone. So here’s what I thought:
Try and make conversation to a random person, location or occasion be damned, at least once per week. With saying more than two sentences be deemed sufficient. If the other person does not initially respond amicably (to the first sentence), I leave them alone.
It is a great plan. I recommend you do it in appropriate venues.
Bad venues:
- public bathrooms
- random street corner
- in an ATM line or in a bank.
Good venues:
- in checkout lines
- on public transportation
- at a bar
What about a bench in a park?
If they sit down next to you, yes. If you sit down next to them, no.
It’s ok to sit down, say hi, and see if they respond. Maybe they’re trying the same process.
Yes, that would be a case of the other person following my rule.
I would think that is fine, provided it during a high traffic volume time period and with people who are already sitting on the bench.
Depends on how close to the playground you are.
Seems fine
in checkout lines
I dunno, is this a good venue? People are there to shop, not to socialise. Most people will likely want to get on with their business and get back home.
I chat with people in checkout lines… not protracted conversations.
Interesting, chat about what? I’m in Denmark and it’s rare that anyone says anything to someone they don’t know in a shop, unless it’s the customary “hi” to the cashier. Where are you where this is more normal?
It’s normal here (Florida US) “wow that’s a big watermelon”. “Looks like you are having a party!” “Hey, I haven’t tried that, it’s good?”. Or just weather or OMG your baby is so cute, or whatever. General small talk.
I remember once a lady saw me buying a diet coke and asked “does that work?”
I think the US is sort of a middle ground on random conversations. Not super friendly but not aloof.
In my case it is usually about kids that are with me or with them.
Public bathrooms are fine. You just have to make sure you get the urinal next to the other person.
Alternatively, if you’re in a stall and hear someone struggling, with flatulence for example, you should call out to them and tell them that you hear them and empathize.
I tried making more small talk with strangers, almost all of the time the other person was receptive and it was lovely.
Every now and then, and this is maybe like 1 in 20, the other person didn’t seem happy about it. That didn’t inspire confidence, but I have kept going. Causing someone to have a slightly awkward experience is nothing to lose sleep over, it’s just a part of life. Do it
There’s also that one lovely, lonely person that will talk until your ears melt.
Yes! Absolutely 🥰 makes my day
❤️
Start with people born before 1990.
They grew up with the idea of making small talk with strangers.
Funny thing is, I often find it’s people born after 1990 who are desperate for small talk, but just often don’t know how to do it.
It’s like talking to them lifts this huge weight off their shoulders, and yet at the same time leaves them feeling weird and confused.
So me fr fr
You explained that so well, I feel seen haha
People have been talking for thousands of generations.
Modern tech is less than fifty years old.
As long as you leave them alone if they don’t want to talk, great!
No, this sounds like a great idea. This is absolutely an area where practice makes perfect. Just don’t get discouraged!
Few thoughts about it
- people tend to be refractory when talked in public space (like park)
- I suggest finding a board game group, reading group and such
- or you could go to your local retirement home and ask to do volunteer work to alleviate elder’s loneliness
In my experience bar work well when they’re shows going on, venue tend to have to much noise to understand one another
I suggest finding a board game group, reading group and such
That’s too relaxed for my taste. I really want to go out of my comfort zone. I feel like the social settings I’m already in aren’t stimulating any more.
Are you in the part of the world where weather is warming? You could go to a park for a pick-up card, chess, or basketball game. Or help an elderly or disabled person load groceries on the car or volunteer at an elder center, adult day care, homeless shelter or meals on wheels type of thing. Or you could visit a nursing facility or hospital for kids and volunteer to read, lead a light exercise or crafts program. You could volunteer at an animal shelter and talk to people there?
Had a sweet experience lately with this older guy who was talking about his experiences in the area as a young person, he didn’t really stop walking, just slowed pace so it didn’t feel like a tonne of pressure or threatening in the slightest.
It’s a bit of an art. Good on you for getting out of your comfort zone.
Just remember, if the other person isn’t engaging, that’s usually not you. Usually people aren’t going to engage if they’re in a hurry or working on their shit (shopping, walking home, etc.)
Also start with jokes about the weather. Usually won’t offend anyone.
I have a list of topics ranked in my head from least controversial to most. At the bottom, the weather, everyone has an opinion and it’s rarely going to offend anyone.
God damn weathermonger!
I don’t think this is a bad idea at all. Just be mindful of who you choose to speak to and where, like others here have pointed out.
I’m with the consensus here, it’s a great plan. It will challenge you without bothering anyone else. I read somewhere (can’t remember where) that generally, people wildly overestimated how bothered others were by random conversations out in the world. Like your chances of hitting someone who will be receptive are better than you think.
