Edit: Looking at this in the morning, I realize this is not a very joyful post for a community called transjoy 😂. I was half asleep when I posted it yesterday and somehow didn’t realize I was in the wrong community.
Thanks to everyone who replied! I need to get ready for work, but I’ll be reading through the comments on my commute.
Hopefully my sleepy-brain mistake isn’t too much of an issue 😅.
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Original post:
I’m not sure if this is a common experience, but I’ve noticed that since starting my transition, some people I used to genuinely enjoy being around have started to annoy me.
It’s not because they mess up my name or pronouns. That happens occasionally, but they usually correct themselves right away and apologize. It’s more that I just don’t seem to enjoy their company anymore.
For some context, I’m a civil engineer, and most of my friends are engineers as well. I’ve noticed this most strongly with some of my coworkers lately. It’s hard to describe exactly what changed. Part of it is that a lot of them have a very “macho” attitude, but it’s not just that.
Sometimes I wonder if, before transitioning, I was convincing myself that I liked being around certain people because I wanted to fit in, and now I’ve stopped doing that. But it’s strange, because there are days when I feel annoyed just seeing them, or when they make plans and invite me.
Has anyone else experienced something similar after transitioning? Did your social circle change, or did you start seeing certain relationships differently?
yeah this kind of happened to me too. im also an engineer, in a very male dominated field (like that narrows it down lol), and after i started hormones i felt more and more i just didnt really like most of my coworkers. i found them tolerable to be around before, though i wouldn’t say i actively liked them. it got to the point im not sure if i can even work in this industry anymore. so many people just seem fine with having a semi toxic and exploitative work environment that pressures people to rush constantly.
as for why its hard to say. i think partly it has to do with the changes in thought patterns ive noticed in myself after starting hormones. pretty much the same day i started i was much more aware of my emotions and could understand them with much more granularity if that makes sense. i noticed it was also much easier to hold multiple perspectives in my mind at once. on testosterone i had much more of a one track mind, which made it easier to ignore broader issues maybe.
as far as ive heard its pretty normal for preferences, feelings, and even personality to change to some extent during transition. partly its real changes from hormones, and partly its taking off the mask and finally being the real you.
The “taking off the mask” part really resonates with me. I keep wondering whether my feelings actually changed, or if I’m just no longer forcing myself to fit into social dynamics that never felt natural to begin with.
And since most of my social circle is made up of men, that’s where I’ve noticed it the most. It’s interesting to hear that another engineer had a similar experience.
Hi, just a cis ally here, but I work in an engineering field. I really don’t care to socialise with almost all of the men I work with … the ones I do like spending time with fulfill two main criteria - first, they’re super chill, and second, they’ve never tried to hit on me.
This year I’ve had to go to some social events with colleagues and the men are, in general, loud and abrasive when they’re all together. Even before the beer starts flowing.
Your comment made me realize that the guys from work I still like are all the really chill ones.
The funny part is that some of them are great one-on-one, but put them in a group of dudes and suddenly it’s like they turn into Monster Tweety from Looney Tunes 😂.
That said, there are also a few people that I just can’t stand anymore, even one-on-one. So I don’t think it’s only the group dynamic. Whatever changed, my tolerance for certain attitudes seems to have dropped dramatically.
Honestly my social circle was basically dead. But yeah, I get it. I basically removed any potential toxic people I knew would be toxic because I wanted to protect myself and cut them from my life.
But yeah there are a lot of people whom I work with that are basically macho and really male centered (firefighters). That doesn’t help me appreciate them. In a way I think I know I don’t need to fit in because I’m already perceived as different. I don’t need to tolerate macho behavior anymore, and since I’m probably not appreciated ¯_(ツ)_/¯
My social relationships completely changed and I’ve been trying to find queer or anyone basically anyone that is friendly toward lgbtqia+ for friends.
I can relate to that. I think transitioning has made me realize there are some social dynamics I don’t enjoy nearly as much as I thought I did.
Honestly, I probably need to find more LGBTQ-friendly spaces. Most of my friends come from engineering and work, so my social circle isn’t exactly very diverse 😅.
Sorta. I love all of my guy friends from pre-transition, yet I am now painfully aware of all the annoying guy things they do. Of course, my circle is slowly shifting so I don’t see them often, but it feels more nostalgic than dreadful when I do.
this happened to me after i came out to myself as gay. a lot of the men i hung out with before accepting, i just started to ignore, i was even happy if they weren’t at the same parties as me. i never outed myself to them, but i reevaluated what i could expect from them quickly.
i guess i build a cuty-pie community for myself afterwards, so the trans thing didn’t hit that hard. ;)
I didn’t experience that, but it’s different for me because I never wanted to be friends with people like that in the first place. I think I briefly had a friend like that once, we met over a shared interest, but I soon realised I didn’t like him much as a person.
My friends decided they didn’t like Me anymore after I transitioned. I had to rebuild from nothing. Multiple times.
I’m really sorry that happened to you . Having to rebuild your social circle from scratch even once sounds incredibly hard, let alone multiple times.
Since transition, I find its much easier to make friends. Its also much easier and more enjoyable to interact with people. I like my friends a lot more now, but also I have many new friends!
