I’ve been doing not great lately, and one thing that keeps coming up in my head is one of the beliefs I hold on to, to try and stay sane.

It’s not really a belief…I don’t know if I truly believe it. It is a coping mechanism tho, which at least partially prevents me from going completely crazy…

Does anyone else tell themselves that they’ll be born cis in the “next life”?

For me personally, I mean a cis woman. And with that, all of the things I’ll get to experience that I can’t now (a normal female puberty at the right time, periods, pregnancy, hopefully attracting way more cis men…)
I don’t even know if I believe in reincarnation, but I still hold onto this thought, this hope for dear life. I guess it’s a justification of some sort? Because to be honest…I’d do anything, and I mean really anything to be cis. But I can’t, of course.

This probably doesn’t make sense, but it does kinda help sometimes. I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I guess…I’d just like other people’s opinion on this. Do you have anything similar?

Edit: I’m sorry. Really. Yesterday, for some reason I decided to take oral prog (bad idea), which made me drunk for about 2 hours and then it made me a depressed, dysphoric, crying mess (as it does every time). On top of that, for some reason I decided to watch the trailer for the upcoming anime, Just Like Mona Lisa…

Any cis person would be like “Oh yeah, cool new anime, people are born genderless and then at 12 choose their own puberty?”, but…I’m not cis and in the state I was in…it sent me straight into a spiral. The whole concept still makes me dysphoric af, but I really wanna see it…
I haven’t watched anime in years. I’m curious how this one turns out…even if I die from dysphoria in the process 😆

Thanks everyone! You’re all so sweet. Way too sweet. I don’t deserve you 😭 Thanks for being so kind to me 🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵

Edit2: I read the manga, all in one sitting. It gave me some much needed exposure, and for some reason, facing the pain head-on helped relieve the bad feelings. I’m actually surprised how much it helped and how much I enjoyed the piece itself.
Huh. Didn’t expect that to work. I fully expected a breakdown and lots of crying. There was some tearing up…but I feel much better now. Now I’m not scared of the anime in the slightest. Looking forward to it.

This probably doesn’t make any sense, I get it. Just…treat this as a mad ramble 😆
I love y’all. Thank you 💜

  • MystValkyrieEnglish
    5·
    5 days ago

    You’re not alone. I do this too, in a slightly different way. I’m too skeptical to be religious or believe in reincarnation, but if any religion were real, I’m drawn to Norse paganism, because some of the ordinary people who don’t die fighting or meet the conditions of other afterlives get to become spirits of the land they live on. The body and soul are separate things in that religion, so it’s said that your soul leaves and you take on a new form after death. And for me, that could be something like a cis body.

    I don’t actually believe it, but I do hope I’m wrong about the nothingness of death. When things get really bad, I think a lot about haunting a forest I live near when I die, just existing invisibly, peacefully alone there and sometimes helping people who get lost. Life can be really awful sometimes and I’ve found myself thinking more about what comes next. It’s hard not to these days, with the absolute cosmic unfairness of our circumstances.

    I don’t know if that’s healthy either, and my interest in Norse mythology definitely might be an outcropping of really, this is the only life I get? The one where no one understands my womanhood and I’m always under threat for it? I think right now it’s a fun hobby and comforting thoughts during hard times. I don’t see myself ever getting lost in those thoughts or, like, joining some sort of cult that tells me what I want to hear.

    So I’m just trying to live my life while I have it. Most people won’t understand me, and peace isn’t something I’ll ever fully get in my lifetime. But I make my own peace in nature hiking in forests, spending time with my wife, living authentically, and anything else that helps me find happiness before I die.