My wife does this and it drives me insane because she’s only right about 60% and then I have to start over because I need to say the whole thought again.
The dissonance between “I know what you are talking about before you’ve finished” and “i can barely focus on what you are talking about” is astonishing. I absolutely feel you.
Dissonance?
I know what you are talking about before you’ve finished, [but you keep talking anyway so] i can barely focus on what you are talking about
And yet, 60% of the times, my partner is wrong, because I haven’t finished talking. She looses focus because she thinks she knows, then interrupts, with a misunderstanding and then continues as if nothing has happened.
Both my wife and I do this to each other all the time. While we both do it, we still get annoyed when the other is doing it, because we are only right 60 % of the time or less.
You don’t tho, and then you interrupt, and then I have to start over.
ADHD isn’t a super power. You can’t read minds.
It’s pretty validating to hear this. My partner, I love him to death, but oh my God when he tries to predict what I’m going to say and cuts me off to do so, it feels so rude. It’s like why should I bother speaking if you already have decided what I’m going to say? And it’s so often inaccurate.
I know it’s part of the ADHD processing so I try to dismiss it, I know he doesn’t mean to cut me off, but WOW is it trying.
I do this quiet often with my wife, I get it right more often than not. The problem that makes it so hard for to keep still is that she makes long pauses in the middle of the sentence, like she needs to think herself what she was about to say. I know it’s not nice to do but sometimes the feeling makes me prefer chewing glass.
My partner tells me something similar. That I make long pauses when I speak, that he’s usually right in his guessing and that not doing it is insanely stressful. It sounds incredibly frustrating, to be fair, so I’m trying hard to not be annoyed at what I, as a gut reaction, perceive is rudeness.
The thing is, that doesn’t really line up with how I experience it. I feel I get interrupted between words and it seems like I have to then pause and correct him more often than say “That’s right!” (Something I’m trying to do when he does guess correctly instead of getting annoyed at being interrupted).
So I wonder if there’s a common element in ADHD people thinking neurotypical people are talking much slower than the neurotypical perceive they are and if the instances of being incorrect feel more inconsequential or perhaps the instances of being correct in guessing are very validating in some way.
I think it’s a “confirmation bias” type of thing, which likely originally evolved to “reduce cognitive load,” so it is something that all human brains are designed to do unfortunately…
Or maybe it is fortunate? Who knows how torturesome it would be to experience no cognitive bias at ALL. How would you settle on a decision? Thinking of Chidi from The Good Place.
As an ADHD person you have always the feeling that you yourself are speaking way to slow, because your brain is working double the speed and your lips can’t keep up. Therefore you lose track of a thought so often. You still trying to speak out a sentence and your mind is already three sentences ahead.
And no, my wife is making more and longer pauses than other ppl. She is most of the time really tired. Therefore I’m putting in all my effort, even when my ears start smoking ;)
My wife always predicts the worst possible outcome of what I’m saying and starts to say how bad it is. I have to stop her without losing my temper because it’s so aggravating
ADHDers favorite sport: jumping to conclusions
ADHDers favorite spo
WRONG. It’s jumping to conclusions.
;-)
Being psychic would save so much time
Reminds me of an old joke.
Would people cut trees down if they could scream?
Omg, yes, absolutely. That would be the only way to shut them up.
I do this to my bf too. I don’t mean to. He does exactly what you do and also says I’m not right and I need to let him finish.
I then try to patiently wait for him to start over and get the whole thing, only to find out it was exactly what I thought he was saying to begin with. lol
I know it’s frustrating to talk to me. I’ve been told it all my life. I try hard not to do it, it happens involuntarily most of the time.
The first thing I taught my girlfriend was to listen instead of complete my sentences. At the time she was trying to make a living as a coach and failing at it to no surprise.
This is something I’ve very consciously tried to be correct my behavior on. It’s unfortunately and surprisingly hard to just shut up and let someone finish, but I’ve gotten a lot better at it. Now I find myself nodding and physically moving, ready to jump in the moment I can.
I work with one guy who is the worst at this. You can be in the middle of a sentence telling a story, and he’ll hijack it and pivot. He then will ramp up his volume as he talks to control the convo. It’s annoying, but I can empathize with him to an extent, and I don’t think he knows he’s doing it. It’s a tough line to walk sometimes.
Lol, same. And yet will rail on about people (especially me) making assumptions.
You didn’t understand, you assumed.
You don’t know all of us, you’re assuming based on preconceived notions.
You assume they don’t know all of you based on preconceived notions.
I don’t have adhd, but I want you gouge my eyes out when somebody tells me something long, i miss the last couple words, ask you repeat just the last 3 words and they start. All. Over. Again.
The only owl that is not superb
I’m still salty about that.
I posted a really nice ceramic bowl to /r/superbowl as an example of a “superb bowl” and it got removed and I was banned. They told me I didn’t get the joke.
I got the fucking joke. I was making another level of the joke.
I mostly rolled my eyes and moved on. but yeah… I’m still a little salty.
Your mistake was saying it was a superb bowl rather than a super bowl!
I may have said it was a super bowl. I don’t remember for sure. heh.
I checked the rules, and it says
Posts must be about owls.
So even “super bowl” wouldn’t have saved you. Perhaps a bowl with owls printed on it? It doesn’t say it can’t be about depictions of owls!
IIRC, it didn’t say that when I posted, which was quite a while ago. Or I missed it, but I think I remember checking. :)
If you still have the picture, I think the fediverse equivalent would get the joke XD
I’ll have to keep my eye out. heh. I probably do have the picture somewhere, buried in many years of such pictures. lol.
I dunno, this guy is pretty annoying as well!
Especially when you imply what part you missed in the question. Like if I asked “That last… what?”, to which you could just say “3 words”, but instead start “I don’t have ADHD, but I…”. Then, once you finally get to the “3 words”, you mumble it in the exact same way… Gah
Or they rephrase it like I didn’t get it.
No. It’s just I didn’t hear the last bit.
Trying to fast forward dialog in real life:
What it feels like to have a conversation with the person who made this meme and keeps getting it wrong.
I swear this community is a better diagnosis than my local GP
But we don’t take your insurance.
No need for insurance here my friend.
Glad to hear you’re in a sensible part of the world 💕
An ADHD friends don’t let me finish. 2 time on 3 is wrong about what I was about to tell
Yeah I definitely have these tendencies and had to really work to stop interrupting. Sometimes the end is what I expected, and sometimes it’s quite a surprise. I can totally see why it would annoy someone to have a person finish their sentence, and incorrectly at that.
I do feel that my social interactions are much improved as I’ve gotten better with impulse control
Its like talking to a stupid AI. (When someone finishes my sentence but incorrectly) So frustrating. And the other thing that happens is I’m so astounded at the interruption I forget what I was getting at. My brain does not prioritize speed (I’m slow to process/respond sometimes) so I just can’t even do these kinds of conversations. I’m giving up, my contribution is clearly not needed for your conversation with yourself (I don’t mean YOU, I mean the theoretical person)
Anyway, ty for working on improving it, I know it’s an effort!
Well yeah but once I’ve made up my mind on the rest of your sentence, it’s not like I’m going to process your version in my head anyway
Then my brain turns off, thinking of something else, then I miss what they were actually trying to say, then they start over.
FUUUUUUUCK
Nah, planks aren’t that bad really.
What about having no skin?
I’ve never tried that before, but it sounds problematic.
And more than a little sticky.
That tracks.
For you.
Probably fairly traumatic for whoever sees it too though.
Funny enough, some of this behavior is similar to normal Japanese conversations where everything is implied. XD. The other person is supposed to guess.
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“The excuses people make to justify their rudeness.”
“What it feels like being constantly cut off with incorrect assumptions.”
“What you look like when you assume someone else’s unfinished sentence incorrectly”
Yes, sometimes I need to be patient, even if I already know the rest. I try.
Other times people need to FINISH THEIR SENTENCE BEFORE I RETIRE!!!
You really want me to hear all of it? Then be more interesting, or at least faster! This is not always on me!
So how does one stop the “understanding”? I want my brain to listen, not auto-complete then give up on listening to the rest.
